The Perks of Being a Slytherin
by breathingcondradiction
Summary: Slytherins are evil, selfish, cunning and spiteful, right? But the sorting hat gives every student a choice. What if there was a student of Hogwarts who held no Slytherin qualities yet had to choose it because of her family? Remaining invisible was how she survived. But the war changed things, surviving wasn't enough. But being seen meant that her secrets are visible too...
1. Chapter 1 - Living and Surviving

**Hi. Story just came to me… the title might change. Please review if you like it. It's only an introduction now so don't judge it too harshly yet!**

You can't win a war. If I'd learned anything, it was that. Sure, one side gets defeated and the other doesn't but this whole 'reigning victorious' bullshit was just that.

It's the casualties that causes everyone to lose. Good and evil, right and wrong? None of it really matters if you've lost someone close to you. Does it still count as murder if an Auror kills a Death Eater? Most think not. But what if that Death Eater had a family? A spouse, children? You've taken part of their world from them and yet it's still not considered a mournful loss? It's maddening.

These were the dark thoughts that filled my mind as I watched the overcast country-side whip past me. Was it a little morbid and philosophical for an eighteen-year-old to be having these thoughts as she returned to Hogwarts for her seventh and final year? Yes. Did I care? No.

Another chorus of giggling followed by a stampede of footsteps echoed from outside my cabin. Had it always been like this? I tried to scour my memory, I'd only taken a year off for Merlin's sake! The emptiness of my cabin clued me in though. Not that I usually sat with a group of friends on the Hogwarts Express trip.

I didn't have any friends.

No, it was the fact that I could have a cabin to myself. Usually I sat in the rejects cabin, a combination of shy first years and unsociable siblings who'd all ignore each other and cause the trip to be utterly silent. Furthermore the giggling was a result of younger students running rampage through the carriages without the snide remarks of their superiors telling them to shut up and calm down.

Meaning most of my year were already inside the castle walls.

After the final battle I'd heard the castle was almost completely destroyed. Though I luckily hadn't been there seemingly the scars of battle were etched into every wall and suit of armour within the mighty school of witchcraft and wizardry. An owl was sent to all the families with older students asking for volunteers to restore and rebuild it back to its former glory. I assumed well over half of my classmates had spent most of the summer there helping.

I would have gone, but I'd had my own mess to clean not to mention a funeral to attend.

I sighed deeply again, trying to break the silence in my small haven. It was causing my mind to wander too near to memories I didn't want to relive. I did enough of that when I slept.

Deciding that my legs were stiff I stood, sliding open the cabin door and stepping into the narrow corridor narrowly missing a group of soon-to-be first years. Glancing up to me a spark of fear flashed in their eyes before hastily muttered apologies and nervous shuffling filled my ears. I almost felt like smiling. They'd learn soon enough that there was no need for it.

Keeping my eyes down I made my way towards the nearest lavatory, allowing the mass of brown curls to cover my face. Others past me on route but didn't spare me a second glance. This was my comfort zone. It had taken six years but I'd finally mastered the art of not being noticed, the ultimate chameleon. Hiding in plain sight was what I did best.

When I finally reached my destination I quickly backed up and leaned against the wall, slipping unnoticed into the short queue behind two girls. They were older students but not quite a seventh year. Maybe fifth or sixth. The cobalt raven crest flashed like beacons against their dark robes.

I'd lie if I said I tried not to listen to their conversation. But you'll soon find its quite boring being me without eaves dropping.

"I heard at least a third of the student body is gone," the girl with dark hair spoke and although she was facing me her gaze never left her friend. "Either too afraid to return after the battle, still in Saint Mungo's or…" _dead. _She really didn't have to finish that sentence.

"Things will go back to normal," the other girl soothed. "I mean most of the seventh years from last year have returned to repeat so numbers will be high enough. It'll be awful for the first few weeks but people slip back into every-day life surprisingly quickly." I couldn't help but agree with the Ravenclaw. The only people who will really find it hard are the sixth and seventh years who'd suffered the war first hand. The younger students didn't know any better, or never really got close enough to see what really happened around them.

"One thing's for certain…" the first girl had lowered her voice that I had to concentrate to pick it up. "Slytherin are going to be pitiful in their numbers."

"I guess…" the second girl sounded uneasy.

"What are you talking about? About ninety percent of the bastards had family members that held the Dark Mark. Would you dare show your face if your parents had murdered other people's loved ones and were now locked in Azkaban for the rest of their lives?"

The second the 's' word was mentioned I'd gone rigid, not a good idea considering as I was pretending to not be listening to their conversation. Usually I was more controlled than this. That was why it shocked me almost as much as it shocked the two girls when words started flowing from my mouth.

"People don't give birth to exact replicas of themselves." The spun to stare at me and I wanted to cringe. My voice felt too loud in the small corridor but the words kept coming, I seemed to be suddenly powerless to stop them. "Not all teenagers follow in their parents' footsteps and even the ones that perhaps wanted to now know better. Now all they can hope for is to get through this year, sit the N.E.W.T.S. and pray that bigoted folks just like yourselves don't get in the way of their future due to another person's life choices."

The pair stared at me, eyes wide and lips slightly parted. I knew they'd recognised me a little. I wasn't _that _inconspicuous but no doubt they'd ever heard me speak. Hell, I don't anyone had heard me speak _that _many words at one time.

Luckily the lavatory door opened and seeing as the girls in front of me were making no move to break their gaze from me I slipped past them and into the magically enlarged cubicle.

Taking a deep breath and rubbing my temples I tried to rationalised what happened. I didn't do that. I was the chameleon the wall flower. The person you easily glossed over when scanning a room. _That _was my comfort zone.

Yet…

I couldn't ignore the energy flushing through me. The spark of heat in my cheeks and almost tingle to my fingertips. Glancing in the mirror I couldn't help but notice a sudden brightness my hazel eyes had taken. Running my fingers through my hair I tried to decipher what I felt.

I'd enjoyed speaking up against those prejudices. Detaching myself from the wall and being seen and heard by other people. Before, I'd have kept my mouth shut and was comfortable with unvoiced opinions. But I hadn't even been uncomfortable with the situation!

When the war ended I'd gained something I'd never had and without noticing my insides were taking it and running wild. I stared at my reflection, brown ringlets surrounding a heart shaped face, expressive hazel eyes with dark brows and lashes, a small freckled nose and rose-bud lips.

"More than survive," I whispered into the mirror, watching as determination spread over my features, making them almost look alien to me. "_Live_"

Before turning my heel I adjusted my robes; the green and sliver serpent nestled brightly. Its crest against my heart.


	2. Chapter 2 - Another Sorting

I nearly over estimated the numbers on the train. After one step into the familiar Great Hall I realised that there was less than twenty percent of the student population only just arriving. The hall was thrumming with energy, chatter and laughter. It was almost as if last year never happened, that the blood spilt on this very stone floor was non-existent.

Fed up of waiting behind the younger students I pushed through the main crowd towards the Slytherin table, sitting at the far right of the hall. My eyes sought out familiar faces, though I began to agree in part with the obnoxious Ravenclaw. Our numbers hard dwindled. The only eyes to meet mine were those of Pansy Parkinson who must have taken it upon herself to scout for any new-comers and verbally tear them to shreds to her core group. The group itself was surprisingly intact, Blaise Zambini and Theodore Nott sat across from her while Draco Malfoy sat on her left – more like she sat on his right considering the hierarchy, I kid you not. Tracey Davis sat on her right and much to my disappointment Daphne Greengrass was seated next to Selina.

I could see more than hear Pansy's pink-painted lips form my name followed by both Daphne and Tracey's eyes meeting mine. Not wanting to embarrass my former ally I turned my head and sat further down the table amongst the fifth years where I was sure not to be noticed. I'd just begun to tune into the conversations around me when I felt a gentle tap on my shoulder. Startled, I turned to see the blonde haired and blue-eyed Slytherin had gotten up to follow me.

"Hey," Daphne Greengrass spoke slightly awkwardly.

"Hi." My response was no more comfortable.

"Why didn't you sit with us?" The question was simple. The answer? Not so much.

"I… honestly didn't think you'd want me to." Her confused frown made me go on. "I've never been one of Pansy Parkinson's favourite people. It's fine, really, go back to your friends. I don't mind."

Her frown changed to something else just before she swung her leg of the bench, shoving a fifth year boy over quite roughly to make space for herself beside me. When I sent her a questioning glance she simply shrugged.

"Pansy isn't the boss of me." Was her only explanation. There was a short pause between us before she spoke again. "How's your Mother holding up?"

I couldn't answer for a moment. Not because I didn't know how to answer but because I was quite touched she remembered. "Better than two months ago, but that really doesn't say much. How about you and Astoria?"

Daphne's blue eyes scanned the table around us before her gaze landed on her sister less than ten seats down. She was laughing something her friend had whispered to her. "We're good actually. Better than we've been in a long time."

"I'm glad." I sighed then, nervously twisting a lock of hair around my index finger. "The place looks great, did you help in the repairing?"

"Yeah… after the funerals we didn't really feel up to sticking around my aunt's place. As bonkers as it sounds our happiest memories are here. It made sense to help rebuild."

I nodded, agreeing with her whole-heartedly. Daphne's parents had decided to remain neutral in the war and Voldemort killed them for it. Luckily, both sisters had been staying in their aunt's at the time and didn't meet the same fate. I went to both of their funerals as the Greengrass and Blackthorne families had an old friendship. Sticking around to watch over her as she drank her weight in fire whiskey and holding her hair as she vomited it back up created a bond between us. Three weeks later she was doing the same for me at my own family funeral.

"It was strangely fun actually," she went on. "It was technically not school time so less of the ground rules were enforced. There were regular parties on where we all piled into each other's common rooms. You would have been right at home, show off that thing you can do with a pint –"

"I thought we agreed never to speak of it."

She laughed and I couldn't help but smile. It felt strange, like my skin was suddenly too tight for my face.

"Hey! Did you have any idea that the Hufflepuff Common Room was near the kitchens?"

I smiled again. Two for two. I'd forgotten how much I actually liked this girl. I was glad to see that our alliance had held so far. "I actually do think I read somewhere –"

There was a light tinkling of silverware on glass as Professor McGonagall stood from her headmistress seat. The dull and patched grey material of the sorting hat sat on its usual stool in front of the staff's desk.

Another year, another sorting ceremony.

As we watched the first terrified first year take her seat – something Abbot I thought it was – Daphne leaned close to whisper in my ear.

"Do you remember your sorting?"

Its raspy voice filled my head, just like it had seven years ago.

"_Interesting… it seems here we have a Slytherin legacy but no, no, that's not the right house for you. You have intelligence to rival a fine Ravenclaw but a kindness for a Hufflepuff I even see sparks of great bravery beseeching a Gryffindor!"_

"_No!" I thought furiously. "You can't! I'm a Slytherin, I swear!" I prayed the panic didn't show on my face._

"_My job is to sort, my dear and most allow me to do it but I always say that in the end it's your choice. It's not me that has to live there for the next seven years."_

_I gritted my teeth, my eyes closing, blocking out all the eyes that stared at me. "The put me in Slytherin. It's where I want to be."_

"_I don't believe that… there's a gentleness in you that won't be appreciated there, I'm only trying to warn you child –"_

"_I don't care." My thoughts must have been a hiss. "I need to be in Slytherin, you said it was my choice you said –"_

"Slytherin!"

The sorting hat's yell brought me back to the present and I tried to shake off that memory. It hadn't been the first time casting back to that particular moment in my past. I'd always wondered if I'd let the hat sort me. What my life could have turned out like, my school life would have been wonderful I liked to imagine my home-life however, hell.

Well, more hellish than it had been.

"Like yesterday…" I murmured as they got through all the first years.

I barely paid attention then to our new Headmistress' speech. Something about school spirit and sticking together. The same spiel they spew out every year but never really enforce. We all knew that McGonagall had been a Gryffindor and though she may be fare the other teachers weren't. How were the students supposed to get on and respect one another when the bad blood between houses is bred into us even when we've long left the school?

Snape had always favoured the Slytherins, Slughorn will too now in his place. Sprout treated the Hufflepuff's like her children and Flitwick awarded the Ravenclaw's points just for spewing random information to prove that they were studying for the sake of it. Hell, even Madam Pomphrey gets on her high-horse if one of her precious lions are injured.

This type of bad-blood can put the anti-muggleborn movements to shame.

These thoughts kept me subdued for the remainder of the feast. Daphne filled the silence easily with stories of the wild drinking parties that occurred in the months previously. I thought back again to what the hat had said, my eyes finding the other tables in the hall, noticing how despite they'd all come together to rebuild, socialised and drank together now we were all separated once again by the rules of this school.

I turned back to my chocolate tarte thoughtfully.

Live not survive… rules can be broken… enough bad blood…

"Have you been listening to anything I've been telling you?" Daphne seemed to finally catch on that I wasn't entirely concentrating.

"Sure I have: Justin Finch-Fletchly, game of kings and unmentionable deeds in the first floor broom closet."

"_Jesus!_" She hissed, colour blooming on her cheeks. "Say I a bit louder there, the Gryffindors didn't hear you.

"No one's listening to us," I assured her.

The feast had come to an end and the prefects were beginning to call people into attention. Much to my annoyance both Pansy and Draco stood and the latter's voice echoed down the table.

"First years!" His voice had dropped quite a bit since I'd last heard him speak. Verging on definite man rather than growing boy. "Get you're arses over here so we can show you your rooms. I don't have all day."

Charming, really charming. Who in their right minds picked this bloke?

Daphne and I managed to get ahead of the major crowds, quickly making our way down the grand staircase and into the dungeons. Before we knew it we were back in the cold but beautiful green-lit halls of the Slytherin Common Room.

"It doesn't look even the slightest bit different," I couldn't help but comment as I stared around the main room, emerald and silver tapestries adorned the walls, dark leather couches, glass coffee tables with engraved serpents entwined on the legs.

"That's because it hasn't been touched. It was one of the only places in the castle that hadn't been touched," she was following my gaze, her eyes haunted. "What does that say about us?"

"That we refused to fight our family and friends despite not believing in their cause." The line always came easily to my tongue and it was the utter truth. Yes, my house was popular for dark wizards, yes we had a terrible reputation and yes even that reputation was used to make my life hell. But never will I think less of the students that didn't fight in the final battle.

What people didn't understand – i.e. the Gryffindors – that despite not believing in Voldemort's cause most cold not bare to face the idea that they may have had to murder a cousin or uncle? We were too close and not fighting was the bravest and only was we could participate with our hearts and sanity intact.

After that depressing thought we decided not to stick around in the un-touched lounge area. Instead opting for unpacking in our rooms. It seemed that fate hadn't released its hold on me yet on reaching it when I noticed my usual room had been taken by four third years. Frowning I walked back into Daphne's dorm.

"It appears that I've lost my…" My eyes fell on the familiar trunk and aquarium that lay at the foot of a bed between Daphne and Pansy's.

Oh dear.

"Millicent's parents pulled her out of school." Pansy's bored tone filled the room as she inspected her nails. "Seemingly had a job lined up for her in her dad's supply business."

Of course she knew that, she knew everything about everyone, myself not included.

"Right…" Was all I got to say before she strode forward from her leaning position against the wall. She paused two steps away from me her dark eyes scanning from head to toe. I suddenly felt like I was being poked and probed in a laboratory.

"Seems you finally figured out what frizz-lotion was."

"Seems like you finally got a nose job."

I really don't know what made me say it whether it was the sudden exhaustion, slight headache or severe uncomfortable feeling at being in that current situation. Anyway, the words were blurted out before I could bite them back and then Pansy and I just stared at each other.

After an eternally long moment Pansy's full lips parted, I braced myself for a snarl or a spit but was shocked to see an amused smirk on her features instead.

"Touché Blackthorne," was all she said before returning to her bed and pulling out the latest edition of Witch Weekly.

Internally sighing I went over to my belongings, smiling broadly at the sight of my eastern box turtle Koopa. Moving him to pride of place on my dresser I proceeded to put away my belongings, working in comfortable silence with my two knew roommates. The only sound in the room was the quote rustling of folding clothes and a casual whisper of turning pages.

As we got ready for bed we discussed our various emotions revolving classes starting on Monday. We still had the weekend to get settled which was good and Pansy wanted to spend it lounging in the grounds with the boys. She didn't invite me to join them, not that I was expecting her two. My mind was still spinning about our last exchange.

After returning from a ten-minute bathroom trip the tension in the room had heightened, making me more than grateful to see the other two in bed. Sliding under the familiar green sheets I allowed myself into the soft mattress, feeling a little more positive about the coming year.

Then, there was a loud and irritated sigh from my left.

"Blackthorne?" Pansy's voice held its bored tone once more.

"Uh… yeah?"

"If you want to come and hang this weekend, you can."

Silently, I gave the third bed in the room a significant look despite Daphne never being able to see it. There had obviously been a discussion about me during my short toilet run. I wasn't sure if that was a positive thing or not.

Noting the olive-branch however I couldn't not pick it up.

"That sounds like fun. Thanks Parkinson."

She didn't answer, instead I heard her close the curtains around her four-poster bed. I settled back into a comfortable position, smiling lightly at whatever Greengrass had come up with to make Pansy Parkinson swallow a gram of that pride.

Realising pretty quickly that I hadn't a single theory I simply smirked in the darkness.

"Night, Daphne," I called lightly.

"Night, Alyssa," she answered.

Yup, things were looking up.


	3. Chapter 3 - Alcohol and Nicotine

The weather turned out to be beautiful on Saturday afternoon. The group decided to sit out on in the grounds as Pansy planned, their only slightly welcome tag-along – me – doing her best not to feel and act awkward. When I came up to the Great Hall with my new roommates, Tracey Davis' eyes bulged slightly and when she thought I wouldn't notice began whispering furiously to Pansy. Zambini's dark chocolate eyes scanned me curiously, his full lips pursed as I refused to meet his gaze. Nott's eyebrows rose slightly. Neither boy voiced any opinions. Malfoy didn't spare me a glance and just continued his breakfast as if I wasn't present.

_All going well then_, I thought.

I didn't say much, only when asked a question did I speak up from either my food or fiddling with the hem of my skirt. Not that that was often as it was only Daphne who made any real effort in including me in the conversation. I'd planned on bringing a book but didn't want to appear rude when with company. It really wasn't something which I was accustomed to – company.

It wasn't until we all were stretched out on the green that the boys and Tracey took any real notice of me. I was lying on my back, my arm thrown over my eyes to shield them from the light as I listened to the others discussion.

"I really don't understand your love of history Draco," Nott sounded exasperated. "Why you would be willingly do it for another year after it being shoved down our throats for five is beyond me."

"I never said I loved it," Draco tone made the 'L' word sound disgusting. "Just that I was good at it. It'll be by far the easiest N.E.W.T. for me to sit because I have an aptitude for it."

"Careful Malfoy," Zambini piped in from somewhere to my left. "You're actually starting to sound intelligent."

"We all know he is," Pansy was always the first to defend the Malfoy heir. "Just because he doesn't show it off like that Gryffindor tarte doesn't prevent him from being the second smartest in the year."

"Speaking of," Nott interjected Pansy rant. "Look who else had the idea to soak up the sun.

Resting my arm back to my side I tilted my head side-ways to get a look at what were possibly the most popular group of witches and wizards in the world. Harry Potter sat amongst his girlfriend Ginny Weasley and his best friends Ron Weasley and Hermione Granger. The girls were laughing at something the elder Weasley had said causing Granger to stroke his cheek affectionately to ease his frown. Potter himself seemed rather subdued, not surprising considering what he'd gone through. No one had come out of the war untouched, but being at the centre of it had definitely changed him.

"They make me sick," Pansy's hiss interrupted my musings and I wanted to sigh in irritation. "Pawing each other in plain sight. It's disgusting."

"They're morons," Nott agreed. "Showing off around the school like they were the only war heroes. Like they didn't have the help of the entire Order of the Phoenix."

"I heard they did most of the leg work alone," Daphne interjected softly causing my opinion of her to rise further. "What with those horcrux things."

"I still don't see why it makes them the centre of everything around here." Malfoy's voice was almost dripping in venom. "It doesn't give him the right to lord it over us, act like they're better than us… gloating because they were on the winning side –"

"I don't think they are," there was a pause where it took them a moment for them to locate the voice. Hell, I knew where it had come from and the words had slipped from my mouth. I'd returned to my original position with my arm over my eyes yet I suddenly felt the weight of their stares on my form was much worse than getting blinded by the sun. "Gloating that is…" as if explaining would somehow redeem myself. Well, goodbye actual social life, it was nice knowing you...

"What do you mean?" Blaise's voice was hard and defensive.

"Well, they're only hanging out like we are, they haven't confronted us even though some of us actually fought with the people that killed their friends and family." I was actually grateful that I couldn't see their reactions to my words. "No abusive or derogatory comments which is what I define as gloating. I think they're – like us – just trying to get past it."

"Sticking up for them are we?" Tracey's tone was threatening but I couldn't bring myself to care. I just hoped Daphne would still talk to me after this social suicide I'd managed in less than five minutes. "I didn't realise there were Potter lovers in Slytherin."

I forced myself not to grit my teeth against the house prejudice, instead sat up and gazed at each of them neutrally. My tone became just as rational as Malfoy's had earlier when speaking of his subject choices.

"I don't like him," I countered. "I don't even know him but I think I…" I searched for the right word. "Respect him. It takes balls to do what he did, help or no help, Gryffindor or not and looking at him now, I don't even think he's paying attention to his friends, let alone a few of his rivals fifty yards from him. And as for being the centre of everything… they only are because people keep talking and gossiping about them every-time they come into view." I gave them a wry look making their guilt of my last point clear.

Their gazes flickered back and forth between myself and Potter. I myself kept my gaze trained on the cold, grey stare of Draco Malfoy, daring him to contradict me. Just when I thought he would he turned away choosing instead to slip into ignoring my presence once more.

There was quite a lengthy pause that followed, I felt the others felt a little awkward, uneasy that Id suddenly spoke four times the amount I had to them in five years. Blaise, the only one who'd kept his eyes on me was the first to break the silence. His mouth spreading into a crooked grin which made me a little uncomfortable.

"I liked it better when we spent the days fixing and nights drinking," his change in topic was noticed but appreciated by all. I was surprised they didn't ask me to leave, let alone continue as if the conversation had ended and we'd moved on to another topic. Let alone that I might just have won the argument – against Draco Malfoy no less.

"You'll be glad to hear then," Pansy's grin was wry. "That there's a session being held tonight for seventh years on the fifth floor. A final farewell to the summer before the hangovers will start affecting our classes."

"Sounds good to me!" Daphne seemed as relieved as I was that the others hadn't turned on me. "I'm pretty sure I have a quarter bottle of mead left."

"How you can still stomach that shit after the last session I'll never know!" Nott chuckled, earning him a death glare.

"I wasn't _that _bad!"

"So the rumours about you and Fletchly in the broom closet didn't derive from the body shots you –"

Daphne launched herself at Theo, her furious slaps cutting whatever he might have said short and causing the rest of the group to laugh and… surprisingly that included myself.

I hadn't planned to attend the end of summer shenanigans, but being at the receiving end of one of Greengrass' glares I quickly got on board. Merlin knows how Theo resisted them daily. After grudgingly agreeing to the celebrations of our seeming 'last night of freedom' I returned to reading my novel until the unnerving consciousness of four eyes drilling holes in me caused me to look up.

"What now?" I asked, unable to restrain the irritation in my voice.

"We're leaving in a half hour," Daphne stated.

"I know. I said I'd go didn't I?"

"Well, aren't you going to get dressed?" Pansy asked impatiently.

I stared at her for a moment, quite unsure how to frame my answer. Slowly, I lowered my gaze to my jeans and t-shirt ensemble. They were good-quality, the best comfortable clothes an old, pureblood family fortune can buy. An uneasy feeling seeped into my chest before meeting Parkinson's gaze again. Without thinking about it I began pleading her with my eyes.

"Don't even think about it." Her retort was black.

"But –"

"I'm not showing up with you looking like that. Get dressed. Now."

"I –"

"And while you're at it put some bloody make-up on."

Twenty-four minutes later I left our dorm in attire that only scraped by Pansy Parkinson's expectations. I ditched the jeans for a tight bandage skirt and tights, my loose t-shirt partially tucked in. With an enlargement charm the neck draped off one shoulder showing the black strap of my bra. Ankle boots caused each foot fall to clatter and Pansy took over my attempts at make-up so I was wearing much more than I was comfortable with. Daphne said I looked effortlessly sexy while Pansy just sniffed saying she'd have preferred to have more time with me.

We met the others in the common room, the boys lounging casually on the leather sofas, all in different shades of black and grey apart from Malfoy's bold choice of a rich, dark green shirt that made his grey eyes look silver.

I couldn't help but notice how attractive the group was. I wasn't joking when I said Pansy got a nose job, her once youthful baby face and slightly turned up nose had lost the fat and straightened – whether charmed or not I'll never ask. She wasn't the most beautiful girl, but she made the most of everything she had, her bronze toned make-up causing her eyes to look brighter, her moistened and glossed lips fuller. The heels she wore made her legs look impossibly long, I couldn't help but be envious. Being amongst the tallest girls in our year made it near impossible to wear shoes that pushed me over six foot.

Daphne's blonde hair was gently curled and tousled, her cherry red lipstick picking up the colours in her tribal-print dress that clung to her lean figure. Theo's dark brown hair was jelled to appear perfectly untouched his eyes were dark blue, with almost indigo flecks in the strange light of the common room. He was the shortest of the three but easily out-bulked them, his shoulders broad and where his cobalt shirt was rolled at the sleeves you could easily make out the lines of muscle in his arms.

Blaise was known as one of the most attractive in our year. His Italian heritage matched his dark skin beautifully. A lot of people would consider him reserved though they were amongst the population of the school that had never seen him pull his easy smile and charm that had any woman putty in his hands. His lean chaser's build was covered seamlessly with a black polo neck, giving him that exotic, European look that most girls dropped their panties for.

Draco Malfoy on the other hand was a different story. He would have definitely been the most handsome perhaps in the entire school were it not for his personality. Where Blaise had charm, Draco had biting wit that could slice anyone into shreds. Malfoy didn't smile, he smirked. His hair was so blonde it looked white in the sunlight, his skin would be an almost unhealthy shade of pale did it not match his bone structure and colouring so completely. His eyes were piercing and cold, the shades seemed to change by emotion alone giving a whole new meaning to the many shades of grey.

All the information zipped through my mind in a matter of seconds forcing me to feel incredibly self-conscious. I never cared about my appearance, it seemed pointless because no one ever looked at me. Suddenly I found myself surrounded by some of the most attractive people in the school, it felt like someone hovering a giant spotlight over my head, bringing me into deep focus as the definite ugly duckling.

Draco was the first to stand, he met my gaze briefly but remained very much intent on being ignorant of my presence.

"About time," he sighed heatedly. "Let's get this over with."

"Couldn't agree more," I said and couldn't hold back a smile. Go figure myself and Draco Malfoy having an opinion in common. His silver eyes bored into mine before he turned in the direction of the exit.

"Cheer up," Blaise fell into step beside me, Daphne giving me an assuring smile before catching up with Pansy and Theo a few metres ahead. "We're attending a party not a funeral."

"No, that was last month." Blaise stiffened, his eyes uncomfortably meeting mine before he noticed my smirk. He laughed then, the sound deep and warm.

"Black humour. I approve." He said as we began out ascent of the grand staircase. "You look good by the way."

"Thanks," I ordered the blush to not rise to my cheeks. No one complimented me outside my mother. Ever. I really didn't know how to take it.

"What's made you decide to come out of your shell?" The question had obviously been on his mind. It was most likely on the entire group's mind but Blaise appeared the only one with enough gall to voice it. I respected that, especially how easily the abrupt question left his mouth. Unfortunately that didn't mean I had an answer for him.

"People change… I guess." Was about the best I could do. He seemed to understand the words that lay beneath it. War, death, loss. It was with everyone for those last few months.

"I get it."

The rest of the walk we remained quiet, not an uncomfortable silence thankfully but there wasn't much left to be said after that. On reaching the correct corridor on the fifth floor we were met with the stiff form of Malfoy, who seemed to be staring holes in the blank stone wall.

The Room of Requirement ceased to be a secret after the war, what with the entire Order using it to hide before the battle it was no wonder that at least a small number of that mass of people talked. It was bound to be heavily guarded by Filch once classes start. Merlin knows what a bunch of horny teens could get up to in a secret room that magically locks and disappeared from the inside. But for now it was the perfect location for a party for strictly older students from all the different houses.

That was possibly why I was confused that Malfoy was staring at it as if it were the devil incarnate.

Cautiously, Pansy placed a hand on his shoulder. "Draco? Are you –?"

Her touch seemed to jolt him awake and he instantly shrugged her off. "I'm fine," he hissed menacingly. And right there was a perfect example of why more girls were more afraid than in love with him.

Closing his eyes, Draco walked past the stretch of wall three times, his fair brows creased in concentration. There was an unusual ripple of stone before ornate double doors materialised before us. Not giving us any chance to doubt him, he immediately pulled open the heavy portal and disappeared inside.

The room was perfect. Two large fireplaces were set ablaze making the room warm and comfortable. All of the four house banners hung from a high rise ceiling adding an arrange of colours in the room. It reminded me of the great hall, but instead of tables that separated us into our painful prejudices there were tables covered in bottles of alcohol, plastic cups and straws. Couches sat in all corners. Students sat on the floor around them as well as in them, playing drinking games, talking, kissing and laughing. The best part? Everyone looked the same. I couldn't tell a Gryffindor from a Slytherin and it was the greatest feeling. I couldn't help the wondrous grin spreading across my face.

This was fantastic.

"Starting to see what you missed?" Daphne asked from my right after noticing my expression.

"You did this every night?" I breathed.

"About three times a week. Though someone pulled out all the stops for this one."

I couldn't disagree. In the corner of my eye I noticed Draco making a bee-line for the drinks table without even a glance back at his friends. Blaise's heavy sigh brought my attention back to him.

"He hates this room," he admitted. His dark eyes trained wearily on his best friend. "It's where the vanishing cabinet was all through sixth year."

It clicked then and I suddenly felt a smothering wave of pity for my blonde classmate. This room reminded him of the worst mistakes he'll probably ever make in his life and from the looks a few of the other students he passed, they knew it too.

"Well," I spoke soft enough that I half-hoped Blaise wouldn't hear me. "We better make sure he doesn't get intoxicated alone."

Blaise and Daphne grinned and I followed them through the masses of celebrating classmates.

Surprisingly enough, I was enjoying myself. It took a few fire whiskeys which Blaise was adamant on replenishing when I was barely near finishing. But I felt my guards drop a little and with their hold loosened I began to notice things.

For example, I understood how Theo could take a Daphne glare. On first glance and meeting him he came off cold and awkward but once his inhibitions were lowered he was one of the most laid back people I ever met. Nothing truly phased him whether it was Blaise's teasing of Malfoy's heated insults. They literally washed over him. Also the fact that he practically glowed when Daphne gave him any attention what-so-ever was quite telling. This was a little distressing for me actually. Do I tell Daphne about my observations? I was unaccustomed to friend protocol as it was, let alone when other people's relationships get involved.

Blaise and I soon realised that we had similar senses of humour and I found myself laughing out right at some of the tales he told, both of us knowing that anyone else would have found them vaguely disturbing.

It was Pansy that surprised me most of all. Once surrounded by a social seen such as this she became vivacious and bubbly rather than her usual obsessive and conniving. Flirting and socialising with anyone that came near to her eyes alight with new gossip she heard about the different couplings going on in the room.

It took a good hour and half to notice that Potter and his pals were actually in the room with us and something warm spread in my chest that the group hadn't even remarked on their presence.

Eventually though I needed to get some air. Realistically, I wasn't accustomed to this many people talking and drinking all at once. There was honestly too many conversations to listen in on and surprisingly enough, many people wanted to chat to me. The alcohol buzz giving them all the courage and boldness they needed to voice Blaise's previous questions, it was answering this for over the twentieth time that drove me out the balcony doors.

It was freezing, the late summer temperature dropping as we passed midnight. There was a bitter wind swirling around the building from this height, causing me to shiver and cast a brief heating charm. I was disappointed to note a few couples had the same idea but were using the fresh air for other activities. Blushing a little and turning my gaze away from them my eyes rested on the edge of the roof two stories above me.

_Now that would be the perfect place for solitude – _

Movement caught my eye and I turned as a small wooden door appeared off to one side if the balcony. Cautiously making my way towards it I gripped the bronze door knob, pulling it open to reveal a ladder shooting straight up towards where I wanted to be moments earlier.

_The room is always equipped with the seekers needs._

Smiling excitedly I began ascending the ladder, forgetting to shut the door in my haste. Reaching a trap door at the top, I hoisted it open and climbed out. Revelling in what was perhaps the most perfect place in Hogwarts I'd ever been in. The view was stunning, stretching out to see miles of the Forbidden Forest. The Owlery could be made out, perched on its small hill. Hagrid's hut was smoking steadily about a mile in front of it. Looking to the right I could see the Quidditch pitch and the left I could just about see the edge of where the lake began. The clock tower, the stone circle, it could be seen from this single vantage point. I gasped in a cold breath and sat in what had just become my new sanctuary. Absently, I pulled a box of cigarettes from my boot and lit one, taking a deep drag and releasing. I relished the light-headedness that came with it, watching as the silvery smoke swirled across my vision. For a moment I could pretend I was someone else –

"What are you doing up here?"

Malfoy's voice sliced through all illusions and musings. Startled, I dropped the cigarette, the glowing red tip fading into blackness as it fell.

"Shit." Was all I could say, as I turned to frown at him. "See what you made me do?"

He was no more startled than I was as it registered what had been in my hand. "Are you smoking?"

"No, I just light cigarettes so I can throw them off a castle roof. Of course I was smoking!" I was a little miffed that my solitude and peace had been interrupted, otherwise I wouldn't have dared speak to him like this. In my right mind I would have simply stared at him mutely until he went away.

"But that's –"

"A Muggle habit. I know," I sighed, running a hand through my wind-swept curls. "I just like the way it makes me feel."

He didn't retort for a moment, I felt is eyes on me as I pulled out a fresh one, lighting it with the end of my wand I inhaled and exhaled.

"How does it feel?" He eventually asked sounding honestly curious.

With the draw I felt less uncomfortable with him staring and suddenly feeling bold I turned to him. With a smirk I held out the box to the Malfoy heir.

"Want to give it a go and see?"

I expected him to decline. Make an insulting comment about Muggles and me picking up their filthy habits before leaving. Instead, I was completely shocked to see him reach out a pale hand to take one out and hold it between slender fingers.

"You put the brown end –"

"I know how to do it," he sniped back, cutting me off. At least I knew that it was indeed Malfoy standing before me and not someone on polyjuice potion. Smoothly he placed the white and brown stick between his lips. They were pale, I noticed and thinner than normal, but sloped beautifully beneath his nose.

Merlin, I must be drunk.

Lighting it with his hand he held it in his mouth for a beat then inhaled deeply before exploding in a fit of coughs and splutters. I schooled my features, knowing it would do me no good if I laughed as I wanted to. The Malfoy pride was infamous in the wizarding world and I had no interest in witnessing it first-hand.

"Why would you willingly do this to yourself?" He wheezed after the coughing subsided.

"The coughing stops once you get used to it," I said shrugging. "At least you're doing it right."

His weary gaze slid from me as he gazed at the scene around us, I could see the same wondrous look no doubt was on my face moments before though his was much more restrained.

"Too claustrophobic for you too?" I asked, relaxing back on my elbows after swallowing another drag.

"Something like that." Was the only answer I got. "I usually enjoy these things more."

"The drinking and fornicating?"

_Was that a smirk?_ I thought before the blank expression returned. "Yeah. It's different now."

"I wouldn't know." I answered honestly.

I felt his gaze on me, it was a heavy thing. I felt it more than any of the others – a tingle down my spine and the hairs raised on the back of my neck. "No you wouldn't. So what made you decide that you'd give it a go?"

"I didn't want to actually, Daphne coerced me."

"She never would have before and I'm talking about more than just this party."

I opened my mouth to give my usual answer, the rather vague and philosophical 'people change' sprang to my lips easily. Instead, I inhaled another lung full of smoke and released, feeling so light that I finally allowed myself one completely truthful answer.

"You probably read in the prophet… My Father… he was killed in the final battle. Kingsley Shaklebolt hit him with a jinx so strong he went through a window. They were on the fifth floor."

Unable to meet his gaze any longer I turned back to the amazing view and on raising the cigarette to my mouth I noticed the slight tremble to my hands.

"Derrick Blackthorne was a fucking monster," I croaked. "And I thank the war that killed him every day… even if that makes me a monster too." I shook my head, unsure why Malfoy had yet to speak but trying to still the tears that threatened to spill onto my cheeks. "I couldn't have friends. I couldn't expose them to him so that he could use them to get to me. So I stayed detached." I shrugged lightly. "He's gone now so I can finally do whatever the hell I want; drink, smoke, enjoy myself. I hope he turns in his grave and hundred times over."

Draco swallowed, appearing to have lost his voice for a moment. Absently he raised his own cigarette to his mouth, inhaling gingerly and omitting a light cough, a huge improvement from his last try.

"Fathers are dicks," was all he said and I knew he understood.

We remained on the roof into the small hours of the morning, until Draco got the hang of smoking and we both could drift off in lightness of alcohol and nicotine.

**Wow. Long enough chapter, please don't expect this every time… I'm exhausted.**

**Give us an ol' review there if you're liking what you're reading, especially now that you've had a better look into our heroine's past.**

**Thanks for reading!**


	4. Chapter 4 - Charming

I slept the most of Sunday. The hangover was surprisingly manageable in comparison to some of my others. Eating a giant, greasy bacon and egg roll at lunch time really helped. I found myself waking up to get involved with Pansy and Daphne's blow by blow of what happened the night before. Unsurprisingly, I missed most of it hiding up on the roof with Draco Malfoy something I wish I could stop thinking about.

"Padma Patil and Stephen Cornfoot?" Daphne wheezed between giggles. "Merlin she must have been drunk."

"And regretting every second of it this morning," Pansy sighed gleefully. It was a little disturbing how much she enjoyed other people's suffering.

"Alyssa where did you go? You missed _everything!_" Daphne bounded over to my bed where I was still lounging. It became too painful to leave the covers as the day wore on.

"I went for a smoke," I said absently, rubbing my tired eyes and looking forward to tomorrow when I wouldn't feel like a heard of centaurs had trampled me – and yes, I've still had worse.

"I don't remember seeing you at all before I left," her frown was worrisome but from Pansy's teasing I was pretty sure she was hammered the night before and even if I'd been glued to her side the entire time she wouldn't have remembered.

"Draco left early too," Pansy interjected. She sat at the vanity table and started brushing her hair – a habit I was beginning to notice she did when thoughtful.

"Pansy please tell me you're not still pining for him," Daphne groaned, plonking herself on my bed despite the fact her own was a few feet away. I took a guess and thought that this was what friends did and decided to go with it. Though it was a bit of a squash with the two of us. "He's horrible to you – to everyone really, and –"

"I'm not pining," she snapped, putting down the hair brush. "It's true I've… doted on Draco for years despite our fling ending in fifth year. I'm finished with hoping for a future with him Daphne ok? That doesn't mean I still care, that I still worry about him."

"I know Pans…" Daphne's voice was soft and compassionate and I wondered again why on earth she was put in this house. She had such an awareness of other people's feelings it was mind boggling.

"I saw him on the balcony anyway," I decided the best course of action was omission and half-truths. "Only briefly, but he seemed fine."

This seemed to appease Pansy who went back to taming her thick tresses. They went out later to meet the boys in the common room but I declined their offer to join. I'd had enough excitement for one weekend and was much more comfortable curling up under the sheets to read and wait out the rest of the day. Tomorrow, classes will begin and things will try to go back to normal.

And for most of my life, that's precisely when everything does the opposite.

The morning was a flurry of movement. My roommates dashing around every corner of the dorm to make sure they looked perfect for our first day. I was ready a good half hour before them but instead of going back to my book I gave-in to the impatient glares and put a touch of make-up on and used frizz-ease charms on my hair.

My small group split then, Daphne went to Divination, Pansy to Herbology and I went to Charms. It was probably going to be the only class I'd have without either one or both of them so I decided to enjoy walking myself up to the third floor.

On reaching the classroom I immediately noticed Blaise and Theo sitting in the back row. I was about to sit down – away from the pair, alone – when Blaise called be over to them. Sighing internally I climbed the four steps to where they sat and slid into the booth directly in front of them.

"We missed you yesterday," Blaise said, leaning forward on his elbows. "We were suffering the hangovers together to ease the pain."

"I found that simply sleeping it off works too," I couldn't keep the dry note out of my tone. "Did you enjoy your night?"

"He enjoyed Mandy Brocklehurst just fine," Theo quipped. The shadows under his eyes gave me the impression that he still may be suffering from Saturday's drinking.

"Ah Mandy," Blaise sighed contently. "Tragic name but a beautiful rack…"

"Charming," I snorted and couldn't hold back a chuckle.

"Where'd you end up?" Blaise ignored my dig.

"Balcony. I needed air from all the hormones that radiated off you."

"Funny… Draco said almost the same thing," Nott smiled crookedly. "You weren't getting air together were you?"

Luckily I was saved for a group of students and professor Flitwick entering the classroom. The class turned out to be rather small, not surprising really as charms would probably be on the same difficulty level as History of Magic. Students tended to go for the easier subjects such as Herbology or Divination. The class consisted of a miss-match of houses, leaning slightly heavier on the Ravenclaw side. Not surprising as over fifty percent of Ravenclaws use time-turners to take more classes, they were probably in all three at that very moment.

Just before the door shut a final addition to the class snuck in, with a quick apology to the half-goblin professor he slid into the last available bench – mine.

Pulling out my books and quill I started to relax. This was my comfort zone.

Forty minutes later we'd been given an assignment and grouped into pairs. I found myself once again confronted with another challenge for myself. Partner-work was unavoidable in all my years at Hogwarts yet I'd always found an easy way around them. I'd tell said partner that I'd do all the work and they'd still get half the credit. It was safe to say it was rare that my offer was declined.

As we practiced the Impervius charm – making a sponge repel water – I took a breath and decided to speak to my almost-tardy partner.

"How was your summer?" I asked in what I hoped was a bright tone.

Michael Corner sent me a startled look but recovered good-naturedly. "Uh… fine despite everything. You?"

_Lie. Otherwise you'll sound like a psychopath. _"Fine too."

We continued practicing for a charm a few more moments – I got it on the third try but I simply reversed and repeated it so I didn't look like I had.

"So how does this work then?" Michael asked.

I frowned in confusion. "How does what work?"

"The partnership. Are you going to offer to do my half of the assignment like you've always done?"

My stomach sank. Well, there goes that plan. "I don't know what you –"

"You think no one sees you, Alyssa Blackthorne but I've noticed you over the years. You try so hard to remain unseen and have become so good at it that you really started to believe you're invisible. You mastered this charm five minutes ago yet you're pretending that you're struggling. You could probably do this assignment with your eyes closed." He was right. Merlin it was terrifying being seen. I'd never known what it was like to truly engage with a member of his house. "I'm Ravenclaw though," he went on. "So I don't allow others to do my work. I –"

"If you could let me get a word in," I cut-over him. "I was going to ask to compare schedules so that we can meet in the library to do it together." I wasn't going to let him walk all over me.

His eyebrows rose, his hair was even darker than Theo's, almost black. Longer than most guy's, it curled slightly at the ends, around his ears and neck. His eyes were a light green. "Really?"

"Unless you actually do want me to do the whole thing and just felt like lecturing me –"

"No, no. I meant it."

"Alright then." That was easier than I thought. "Are you free Thursday evening?"

"I'm pretty sure."

"Ok. Good." I turned away from him before thinking better of it – spinning to meet his curious gaze once more. "And for your information, I wasn't pretending to struggle with the charm, I was mastering the counterspell."

He grinned at me, showing off two perfect dimples in his cheeks. "I apologise then."

Nodding an acceptance I returned to my work, silently trying to sooth my frayed nerves.

By the time the class ended it was lunch time. As I walked with Blaise and Theo I couldn't quite get my interaction with Corner out of my head. He was _nice _to me. A little overbearing, sure but perfectly polite. As a Slytherin I was used to automatic malice whenever I spoke to any of the other houses, it wasn't something I felt I could change so I just accepted it. Other Slytherins reacted by returning that malice with more of their own. I didn't want the attention so I just let it wash over me.

Corner on the other hand didn't seem bothered with the house prejudices either giving me the impression that maybe my musings on the train had been right. War had changed everyone and perhaps it was for the better.

I just needed a chance to test my theory.

I was still deep in thought as I filled my lunch plate before Daphne pulled me out.

"Alyssa?"

"Hmm?"

"Have you been listening to anything I've said?"

I looked up at her, noticing finally that all eyes were on me bar two. Draco refused to look up from his meal giving me the stern hint that our interactions the other night were to be completely ignored. I couldn't find it within myself to care.

Feeling a little apologetic I answered. "Honestly, Daphne, no. Sorry I was lost in thought."

The others chuckled but she took it well. "Well, now that I have your attention, can we please be enthusiastic at your luck?"

"My… luck?" that was one word I'd never ever associated with myself.

"Your Charms partner?" She lowered her voice to a whisper. "Michael Corner has to be one of the sexiest guys in our year! Those dimples…" her tone was wistful. "And you get to spend quality time with him."

Uneasily, I glanced in Theo's direction. Since my conclusions the other night I'd been trying to gage reactions from him, half-hoping that the alcohol in my system made me imagine his feelings for my roommate. Nott looked away from us and down at his food, his knuckles instantly turning white around his fork.

Damn… I didn't imagine it.

"I guess," I replied cautiously. Considering him again in my mind I did see the appeal. Bright green eyes, dark hair, good height. Tall dark and handsome plus the dimples did really make him that bit more attractive.

"You guess?" Her voice was back to normal if not a louder volume. "Sometimes, Blackthorne I swear you are a machine rather than a teenage girl. So when are you seeing him next?"

"We're meeting in the library to work on Thursday."

Pansy leaned her chin on her hand, waggling her eyebrows at me. "And will work get done? We all know about that arithmancy section… perfectly situated out of Pince's eye line."

"Work will get done I assure you," I tried to keep the impatience out of my voice. I much preferred it when Pansy wasn't bothered with my existence. "Can we talk about something else?"

"Fine," Daphne allowed grudgingly and started asking about the syllabus for each of our subjects for the year. Blissfully out of their questioning I retreated back to my own thoughts, this time remembering to interact in the conversation now and again to avoid any further attention.

It was nice to get back to classes. I felt like my life was finally getting some structure back. My six N.E.W.T. subjects were turning out to be difficult, requiring a lot of work to stay on top of them but I felt I could manage. Two years ago not keeping up wasn't even a posibilty. This year, however I managed it I'd actually formed a resemblance of a social life which took a strangely large amount of time to upkeep. Not that I minded. It was… fun having people to walk with to every class. I thought I'd find it suffocating. I had Blaise and Theo for Charms, Pansy for Transfiguration – a budding relationship that I was never quite sure whether or not it existed. Daphne took Care of Magical Creatures with me, surprising since I didn't think anyone would go near Hagrid's class within my house. I'd always liked the gentle half-giant and it was fascinating to watch his half-brother help him contain the more dangerous magical beasts we'd studied. We all took both Defence Against the Dark Arts and Potions and that left Alchemy; a class that only Draco and I took.

I usually walked to that class alone.

The weekend came relatively fast, the days a whirlwind of new information and note taking. I was pleasantly relieved when Friday evening came, so much so that I decided to relax in the common room with the others. I usually avoided it, though I was... almost comfortable with my new circle of acquaintances, the exposure to the rest of the house was almost too much for me.

I sat next to Daphne, enveloped into her and Pansy's conversation. They knew I was more comfortable listening but still included me which I appreciated. Eventually, they began arguing about some price of hair potion in the latest Witch Weekly issue. Smirking a little I stood up to retrieve the issue, act as a referee and call out the correct price when I bumped into someone.

Stumbling back slightly I stared into the dull brown eyes of Miles Bletchley, a fellow seventh year and chaser for the Slytherin Quidditch team. At least he was before the war started.

"Sorry, excuse me," I mumbled and tried to slip past him. He side-stepped me however, blocking my path.

"Well look who's finally decided to crawl out of her shell," he grinned showing startlingly crooked teeth.

"I don't know what you're talking about." Knowing there was no chance to get past him I simply stood my ground, staring stonily at the teen and waiting for him to finish picking on me.

"You know, it's funny. All of us serving the Dark Lord would talk about your Father. Admiring his skill and cruelty… yet no one ever mentioned his daughter… of course his –"

"Don't." My tone was black. I would not talk about _him _with a stranger.

"You're a ghost. Forgettable and disposable. Tell me how does it feel that no one will ever remember you? You could die tomorrow and people would barely flinch."

"_Enough._"

Bletchley's eyes looked over my shoulder and I spun around to see Draco Malfoy standing a few feet behind me. His eyes the colour of steel as he stared daggers at Bletchley.

"What are you playing at Malfoy?" Bletchley hissed. I noticed a few of the others were watching us, curious of how this would pan out. "She's a nobody."

"Piss off Bletchley," Malfoy acted as if he hadn't spoken. "Your stench is annoying more than it usually is."

"Why would I care what you say? You're Dad's in Azkaban. You have no power to lord over us anymore."

"I don't need my father to hex into the far wall," his pale lips tilted into the coldest smile. "Bit of a shame if you couldn't try out for the team this year."

Bletchley's eyes narrowed and lowered to the golden Quidditch captain badge on Malfoy's robes. Blaise and Theo had stood up too and taken slow steps to stand behind Draco. He was out numbered and out played. It was easy to see why nobody had ever messed with the blonde wizard during his years at Hogwarts.

Mumbling inaudibly Bletchley pushed past me, shouldering me hard enough to stumble again. Draco scowled until Miles' form disappeared into the boy's dorm.

Releasing the breath I'd been holding I looked at Theo and Blaise. Draco had already returned to the couches as if nothing had occurred.

"Thanks," I said, not being able to stop the blush at all the fuss. "I could have handled it though."

"But you don't have to," Blaise said easily. "We stick up for our own."

I didn't know what to say, and the lump in my throat probably would have stopped me anyway. Instead I returned to the two girls, gathering up my books and using my wand to send them back to sit on my bed.

"Where are you going?" Daphne asked softly. I couldn't bear to meet her gaze.

"I need a fag."

"Are you – "

"I'm fine," I cut her off. She didn't seem convinced so I threw her a small smile. "Really."

Summoning my coat I left the Common Room casting a number of cloaking spells encase I ran into Filch. Not pausing once to catch my breath I jogged all the way to the fifth floor.

On reaching my destination I sat down, my breath laboured from the run. Taking in the view of the grounds I lit up, ignoring the sense of Deja vous that was quite overwhelming.

Especially when I felt a second presence standing behind me.

Not looking away from a parliament of owls that were hunting in the white light of a near-full moon I held the box of cigarettes out behind me, not flinching when he took one or when he sat down next to me. I couldn't bring myself to be disappointed that I wasn't alone. Solitude was becoming vastly overrated and it had only been a few days.

"Wanna know how to blow a smoke ring?" I asked casually, showing him what it was during my next exhale. The silvery loop shimmered and dispersed a few feet from my mouth.

I swear I thought I could hear the smile in his voice. "Sure."

Despite my mind furiously trying to make sense of the changes happening around me, for those next few hours all I felt was peace.


	5. Chapter 5 - Looking Up

_Ravenclaw would be too suspicious… intelligence not helping me in the slightest… Gryffindor is out of the question… jinxed before I got within ten feet…_

Thoughts were circling in my mind all through lunch. It had been three weeks since we'd started classes and my life had a steady rhythm going about it. Wake-up, make-up and hair with roommates (Pansy was serious when she said she wouldn't be seen publically with someone who didn't take their appearance seriously), miss or a rushed breakfast, classes, lunch with the group, more classes, homework, the odd meeting with Michael for Charms, relax in the common room with the group, bed. Repeat.

The only thing I didn't add was my frighteningly frequent meet-ups with Malfoy. Whenever the stress of the day or the cravings got too much – they went hand in hand. I would head up to the room of requirement for a few hours. Every time I went the young Malfoy would follow. I wouldn't have to tell him I was going or signal him or even be in the same room. He'd just know and meet me there ten minutes into my first cigarette. It gave me the impression that he watched me but I couldn't believe it. The idea was ridiculous.

The few nights we remained in silence. The next few we began to talk. I learned his Dad was in Azkaban for the rest of his life and that he wasn't too upset over it. I learned his mother was now living alone in the manor, her sentence extinguished after saving Potter's life. He didn't say but I could tell he worried about her. It was quite humbling, seeing something so human about him. Of course I'd never say anything, if ever I approached an unwelcome subject he'd either snap at me or retreat back into silence. Conversing with him was like coaxing an animal out of hiding.

Come morning, however, he went back to barely acknowledging my presence. I guess it was a step up from completely ignoring my presence. He never spoke about our meetings, even when it as just us and the group left in the Common Room. Not wanting to test the waters I kept my mouth shut also even though a part of me would have liked to discuss it, to figure out the impossible puzzle that was Draco Malfoy.

We sat in our usual formation. Blaise and Daphne on either side of me and Theo, Draco and Pansy sitting across from us. The latter between the two boys. I liked to think of it as on one side was the pair I'd seem to win over and the three that were still wary of my presence. Daphne and I'd seem to remain bonded after the summer and Blaise enjoyed the fact that I laughed at his admittedly dark humour.

"You're more subdued than normal," Blaise admitted, giving me a nudge in the arm.

"Sorry," I shook my head in attempt to clear it and recollected my thoughts on what they'd been talking about. "I'm sure you'll be fine, you're a decent flyer and your best friends the captain. I don't see why you won't make the team this year."

"I'm actually not worried about me, it's the beaters. We haven't had anyone decent since Lafington and Scalby left three years ago. Do you fly?"

I snorted. "Yes but it's the hand-eye co-ordination I lack. You'll have to look elsewhere I'm afraid."

"I just want to beat Gryffindor this time around. With Potter captain again it's the best way to knock him down a peg."

I fought down the sigh, knowing it will just lead to arguments. "Draco will get a good team together. He's a good leader so we should be in with a chance."

There was a pause where everyone turned to look at me, even the Malfoy himself. I fought down the blush, not sure why I'd complimented him. It was the truth but I guess I just hated the needless negative energy. Seeming like this was the push I needed to do my experiment I stood, leaving my half-eaten sandwich behind me.

"Where are you going?" Theo asked as I gathered my things. "Lunch isn't over for a good half hour."

"I'm…" I tried to find the right words. "Testing a theory."

With that I left the Slytherin table, making sure to keep my steps even and confidant I walked around the Ravenclaws and towards the students with amber lined robes and badgers on their crests.

_If there's too much bad-blood and intelligence that leads to suspicion that only left –_

Seeing a face I recognised I walked lightly over, trying to tame the knot of nerves in my stomach. Rallying the rest of my courage I boldly threw my leg over the bench and sat at the Hufflepuff table, meeting wide bronze eyes with the steady gaze of my own.

The surrounding Hufflepuffs quietened. Staring at me as if I'd grown three heads and was about to start spitting at them. There were too many people in the Great Hall for it to be totally silent, most people didn't notice the mad act of courage I was currently displaying but it was quiet enough that I hand to swallow hard before tentatively holding out my hand.

"My name is Alyssa Blackthorne." Thank Merlin my voice didn't crack. "I'm from one of the longest line of purebloods in England and obviously…" I indicated to my robes, "a Slytherin. My father was a death eater and was killed in the battle of Hogwarts. I don't know how many people he killed but he was one of Voldemort's most loyal followers and one of the most evil man I've ever known. I think Muggle-borns have every bit the right to this world as I do. They didn't deserve what happened to them. Neither did the people who stuck up for them. They still don't deserve the prejudice a lot of my house is guilty of using against them. My father believed in dirty blood and I just wanted to say that… I do not."

The silence was painful, it seemed to claw at my senses as I watched the girl's expression change from shock to cautious to anger to… something else entirely. Her mother was killed my father's 'Dark Lord'. Looking back, I probably shouldn't have chosen her. I held my breath until gingerly, she took my outstretched hand.

"Hannah Abbot," her voice was strained.

And there it was. A feeling of great lightness in my chest. Maybe there was hope for me after all.

Come Friday, I was the talk of the school. I hadn't approached Hannah again but whenever she passed me in a corridor I'd wave and say hi no matter who I was with or vice versa. Strangely enough the group didn't question me, sent me a few odd looks but no one questioned my sanity or asked what I was trying to achieve. A few of the other Slytherins threw some insults my way – the term 'hufflehugger' was popular, I mean really, I was truly surrounded by morons. But noting I couldn't handle. We were sitting in our usual places eating lunch when Daphne began bringing up the upcoming Hogsmeade trip.

"But you have to come! It's the first one of the year!"

"I don't see how that fact takes the choice out of my hands."

"But we're going as a group. No dates is the rule. We've always done it, its tradition!"

"I'd much rather stay here," I admitted. "The castle's nice and quiet, its' always been my tradition to roam the castles for passageways –"

"That was before you had any friends though," Pansy commented not I thought because she wanted me to come but because she just wanted to remind me of that fact.

"Look, you'll have more fun without me there, honestly. I'll just stay here and meet you all –"

Before I could finish a flash of white and brown feathers streaked across my vision causing me to flinch backwards in fright. There before me sat an all-too familiar Siberian eagle owl, his yellow eyes regarding me carefully.

"Hello Spook," I said dully.

"That's the largest owl I've ever seen!" Theo gaped. I noted other Slytherins turned to look at the feathered nightmare perched on my sandwich. Spook seemed to glare at me as I picked stray white feathers from my robes.

"He was an anomaly. No one knows why this particular chick hatched so large and of course my father wanted to show off."

"And he named him Spook?" Draco asked doubtfully. It was unusual that he joined our conversations but he seemed quite focused on the bird and me. I tried not to squirm under his silver gaze. "Seems odd for your father to call him something like that."

"Oh no. His real names Octavian or something equally retarded. I just call him Spook 'cause he scares the shit out of me."

The rest chuckled, even Malfoy cracked a smile before being able to compose himself.

Gingerly, I unstrapped the letter from Spook's leg, waiting for the impatient and superior nip I was sure to get. When it came his hooked beak drew blood and I cursed, finishing untying the parchment and shooed him away, not before I grudgingly took the bacon from my owl-squashed sandwich and gave it to him. It wasn't like I was going to eat it anyway.

"He bites you and you feed him," Pansy stated heatedly. "You know you're never…" I didn't listen to the rest of the lecture because I'd only just realised who the letter was from.

_Alyssa, _

_The trial finally came to a close last night…_

I skipped through all the details. My heart beating so fast in my chest and my breath quickening into shallow pants. I couldn't hear, feel or see anything but the letter in front of me. My stomach had tightened into the most painful knot until my scanning eyes found one single line:

_The Court's sentenced him into life imprisonment._

And just like that everything eased. A wave of relief so large that I wanted to cry washed over me. My hands shook with it and whatever emotions that swelled in my gut and chest relaxed. I could finally breathe easily. He was gone. Thank Merlin he was gone from my life forever.

After scanning the letter again, this time reading every word about the last minute witness that had been rescued from imprisonment in Russia, I lowered the parchment, folded it and put it into my pocket.

And suddenly I was smiling. Not a contained grin or a rueful smirk but a true, bright, happy smile. The group did a bit of a double take not sure what had caused such a reaction.

"Good news I take it?" Daphne asked, raising an eyebrow.

"I think I will go to Hogsmeade after all," I said instead of answering her. She seemed to brighten at this though I could sense the other's suspicion. "I'm feeling a few drinks are an order."

"What are we celebrating?" Blaise asked, he seemed unable to prevent smiling at me in return.

"Perhaps being the only students ever to study in Hogwarts and be able to legally buy alcohol?"

"The girl has a point," Theo answered with a grin.

"Great! Then it's settled," Daphne's blue eyes shone with excitement and I was relieved the attention on me had shifted. "This is going to be so much fun."

For the first time, I actually believed her when she said it.

It was relatively mild that Saturday. Compared to the usual late October mornings and luck was on our side as it wasn't raining. I couldn't help but revel in my favourite time of year, landscape a wash of oranges and yellows, leaves falling and creating soft foot paths beneath our feet as we made our way down to the small magical village.

"It would have been much faster to take the portrait in the room of requirement," Malfoy muttered darkly.

"And willingly go into that room, Draco?" Blaise asked, her dark brows rising. "That doesn't sound like you."

Without meaning to I glanced at the pale blonde, surprised that he still wouldn't go near the room with the others. Why on earth would he go with me almost three times a week then? I met his gaze and he scowled, striding a few feet ahead of myself and his best friend.

Guess I'll never know.

"So what was in that letter that's got you in the mood to celebrate?" Blaise nudged me with his elbow. "I find myself curious."

"Well I guess you're going to have to get used to it Zambini," I smiled to lighten the words. "I'm not in the mood right now to explain."

"Alright," he held his palms up in defeat. "Just so you know, this air of mystery is getting you noticed and I know how you hate that." He bent his knees slightly as he walked so his mouth was close to my ear. "Draco watches you, you know."

I forced down the threatening blush and decided to ignore the existence of butterflies that appeared in my belly. Obviously he watched me, who else was to help him aid his budding nicotine addiction.

"And it's kind of weird," Blaise went on. "Considering that Draco spends his life ignoring everyone."

"He's probably just more wary of my presence than the rest of you are," I muttered.

"I'm not wary," he argued. "But Draco –"

"Look, I don't know Blaise. I'd be a fool to try and figure out that boy," I met his knowing gaze steadily. "And you'd be a bigger fool to try and figure me out. So just… leave it?"

"Alright," he sighed. I picked up the pace to catch up with Pansy and Daphne. My frustration seemed to peek as when I passed the Malfoy in question I paused briefly to murmur in his ear.

"If you're really that adamant on keeping your late night habit with me a secret, get Blaise off my back and for heaven's sake stop watching me," I couldn't keep the heat out of my tone before jogging forward to join the girls, knowing I wouldn't receive a reply.

The Three Broomsticks was crowded, but gloriously so. Usually I didn't do well with large masses of people but I felt today would be the exception. It was always easiest to remain invisible this way. No one pays attention to a single person when there's fifty more surrounding them. We managed to grab a booth as a group of third years we leaving just as we arrived, as I watched the others get settled I chose to head straight to the bar. There was a bit of a queue but the moment Rosmerta saw me, a huge grin spread across her face and she stopped mid order to come towards me.

"Aly!" She called over the chatter. A few confused stares were thrown my way but before I could really notice the older barmaid embraced me in a tight hug. "It's been too long and with news of your father…" she didn't need to finish the sentence. "I feared the worse."

"I'm ok," I said with a small smile. "I just had a lot to sort out after everything."

"That's understandable," she gave me a kind smile. The barkeep was one of the only people who had taken any notice of me in my early Hogwarts years, many a Saturday I would arrive early to drink and chat. She was probably the only person I told about me not belonging in Slytherin house and the shit that went on at home. "So what can I get you? Your usual?"

"Actually," I couldn't help but smile shyly. "I'm here with friends." I indicated to our booth and Rosmerta locked gazes with each of them. They were watching us curiously, unsure what to make of the exchange.

"Is that Lucius Malfoy's son?" Her voice was hard. Everyone knew about the Imperius curse debacle two years ago.

"Yes but trust me he's changed," I pleaded her with my eyes and she frowned thoughtfully.

"I hope you know what you're doing," she returned to her spot behind the bar and pulled out six glasses, all of which reflected the telling lick of magic.

"Does anyone?" I answered truthfully.

"Just don't let me catch you stumbling out of here, Minerva will have a fit."

"I promise," I said, unable to stop the chuckle. Picking up the glasses I strode back to the others who remained utterly silent, forcing me to explain.

"She has a soft spot for me," I said shrugging and placing each of Rosmerta's gifts in front of them. "They're self-filling glasses, so we don't have to queue."

A startled laugh emitted from Blaise and he picked up the glass, watching it as it filled with ice and fire whiskey. He turned to Daphne sitting next to him.

"Daph, I just wanted to thank you for bringing this little oddity into the fold. To Aly!"

"Don't call me that," I snapped but grabbed a glass.

"To Alyssa, then."

Everyone raised their glasses and drank deeply and I couldn't help but wonder how much of the warmth in my chest was to do with the alcohol.

**A/N: Another chapter! It's coming quite quickly at the moment which is great. We're slowly peeling away the lairs of our main character. I'm trying to keep this pace to hold on to some mystery. Things WILL make sense I promise!**

**Please review I really want to hear your opinions, questions and ideas for characters old and new! Don't be shy! **


	6. Chapter 6 - A Tale of Innocence

Chapter Six: A Tale of Innocence

To say we stumbled back to the castle three hours later was an understatement. The group's tolerance to fire whiskey was admirable considering our age but those glasses turned out to be our downfall, we quickly lost count of the drinks we consumed and come home-time each of us was pretty wasted.

Theo was scaling the eight foot wall as we went, deciding to continue the walk from that vantage point, Daphne giggling the entire time and threatening to not catch him if he fell. Pansy was thoughtfully strolling ahead, her quiet and dreamy demeanour matched with the frequent stumbles the only indication of her intoxication.

Blaise took up his usual spot to my left but decided a few metres into the walk to throw an arm over my shoulder. I didn't shrug it off – I was told by Daphne that he was an affectionate drunk and quite honestly I didn't mind the extra warmth.

I pulled my box of cigarettes out of my pocket and lit it earning a strange look from Blaise.

"What?" I asked him. Turning so I wouldn't blow the smoke in his face.

"Just a strange habit for a witch," He remarked. I could feel his deep voice as a slight vibration against my shoulder. "What started it?"

"Got drunk a few times at Muggle bar after my Father's funeral," I answered casually. "Met a guy there who introduced me." Yes… that had been an interesting night.

"Can't say I see the appeal," he said when I accidently spilled some embers on his sleeve. He removed his arm and patted it down.

I couldn't help but giggle. "Sorry."

"Hey Blaise!" Daphne called, she was currently attempting to coax Theo down, her arms outstretched, beckoning him. It wouldn't take him long to give in. "Pansy's gonna fall soon, mind giving her a hand."

With a deep sigh and an annoyed glance in my direction which only made me laugh harder, Blaise jogged to meet the tipsy girl, easily slipping a hand around her waist to aid her balance. I put the fag to my mouth once more but froze mid-inhale as someone else took Zambini's place. I made sure not to break my stride, I wouldn't give him the satisfaction that his presence affected me. Nor would I offer him some of my smokes, I was done making the first move here, done being confused at what was going on. He could either throw me a bone or deal with the cravings, I'm sure they're pretty strong tonight after the alcohol.

"I'll talk to Blaise," he voice was low but I doubt any of our inebriated company could have heard him.

Now that I had the bone I couldn't help but get flustered, blushing in the cold evening air. "Good. A – About the staring, it was just something Blaise said, I don't really think you –"

"I'll work on that too," his tone was matter-of-fact, the sentence caused me to stop in my tracks.

Draco Malfoy actually watched me?

"I pride myself in the ability to read people," he said, turning slightly to face me. He was quite close, I couldn't help notice, his dark coat radiating waves of heat and a touch of cologne. "My Father said know your enemy and to not even trust your friends so I ended up training to read friends and enemies becoming the distrustful bastard I am today." I couldn't help but smile in agreement which I don't think he appreciated.

"You don't make any sense to me. Your every reaction doesn't comply and you don't fit into any of the usual moulds."

"If you wanted to get to know me you could have just asked," I replied dryly, starting to walk again. "I think by our shared moment a few weeks ago you would have realised that I'm pretty straight forward –"

"You were drunk."

"I'm drunk right now."

"Alright, then what's the real reason behind you coming today. More to the point; what was in that letter that changed your mind?"

The smile slipped from my face. He noticed far too much. "That's probably the only thing I will not tell you. Anything else –"

"But –" He began to try again before mercifully Theo called out from ahead.

"Land ho!" He cried before bursting into a fit of laughter.

I took in my surroundings realising we'd just about reached the entrance hall doors.

"Draco," Blaise turned, half-dragging a near comatose Pansy with him. "Remember last week when you lost that poker match and you said I had your marker?"

"Yes…" Malfoy looked as if he wished he couldn't.

"Well I'm calling you on it. We're finishing the night off in your room.

"Fine," he allowed though the admission seemed strained. When they'd turned back to go in the doors I felt a cool hand on my wrist but before I could question it had slipped the fag of my fingers and into his mouth.

"You know, you could not be an over-privileged git and ask nicely for it."

The bastard simply answered by blowing smoke in my face.

In Hogwarts the head boy and girl were given their private quarters. Despite not holding this title Draco had managed to also be in the possession of one. I was surprised McGonagall allowed it at all but being Quidditch Captain and prefect along with there being far less students in Slytherin this year must have forced her to see things his way, not to mention the fact that Lucius had probably paid someone off years ago.

The room was situated a few doors down from the entrance to the other boys dorms. We received a few odd looks as we staggered through the Common room which only made us laugh harder. There would be talk the next day but none of us seemed to care.

Draco's bedroom was exactly how I guessed it would be – not… that I imagined it or anything. The double bed was simple and crisp with no extra blankets or unneeded pillows brought from home. His desk was tidy, not a quill out of place with a neat pile of school books in one corner, stacked in order of size. There was nothing personal about it, no pictures or momentums that he's lived a life full of friends and family.

Blaise threw himself into the loveseat by the fire, beckoning me to join him. I obliged willingly, I felt myself sobering a little and the chill from outside had begun to seep into my bones. I popped my shoes off and pulled my legs under me, it was surprisingly easy to get comfortable there.

Pansy curled up in the second loveseat across from ours, Draco taking the spot beside her and Daphne took the single couch perpendicular to us. Theo was more than happy to sit on the ground, leaning against the blonde girl's legs.

Draco pulled out glasses and a bottle of fire whiskey and placed it on the coffee table before us, Theo instantly leaned forward and began pouring generous glasses for each of us.

"We should play a game!" Daphne said brightly, causing Pansy to stir and sit up, the brunette eyed the glasses warily.

"We're already drunk Daph," Theo chuckled at the girls enthusiasm.

"It's not the only reason for drinking games," she pouted and I knew that she'd get her way. "Let's play for the heck of it."

"What did you have in mind?" Blaise groaned, picking up his glass and draping an arm over the top of the couch behind me.

"How about a simple game of truths?" Daphne grinned in quite an evil way.

"Truths?" I asked, a nervous pit began to build in my stomach.

"We're Slytherins," Theo said. "Lying is our second language. So how can we know whether or not it's a game of truths rather than a game of who can most convincingly bullshit."

"I might have something," Draco said, he got up and went to his bedside locker pulling out a small box and returning to his original seat. The box reminded me of –

"Are they Berty Bott's Every Flavoured Beans?" Pansy asked, peering closely at the small tin piece in his hand.

"Sort of. Each sweet has the tiniest of drops of veritaserum." We all shrunk back. "Nothing that will harm us, or even force truths that truly matter to us. Just something to make sure everyone's on the straight and narrow."

There was a pause where everyone seemed to weigh up their options. I myself found the whole idea terrifying but on looking up from his hand I realised Draco was staring at me, almost daring with his eyes. He said he couldn't figure me out and here was a perfect opportunity to get me answering his queries.

"Nothing too personal?" I hedged. "Like only embarrassing stuff we'll be forced to answer."

"I swear." Draco's tone was final, and I believed him without question. "We'll make that part of the rules."

Quickly standing and leaning over the table I grabbed the box from his hand, spilling a few of the pills into my palm I popped one into my mouth, washing it down with fire whiskey and holding my hand out to Blaise.

"Fine… though I'd like to state now that I don't think this is a good idea," he then took a truth bean from my palm.

"It _was_ my idea," Daphne sighed copying his actions, followed by Theo. I put the rest back in the box, handing it to Pansy who took one, washing it down with that little too much alcohol that told me she was nervous. Draco was last, smirking at me as he swallowed making me want to gulp.

"Now what?" Daphne asked. "How do we know its working?

"Is it true that you shagged Anthony Creswell to get into the Slug Club party in sixth year?" Theo half turned to the girl behind him.

Daphne answered as casually as if she was talking about the weather, almost not knowing the words were spilling from her mouth. "Only if you count oral sex in the clock tower as actually shagging, especially considering it lasted under six minutes and as long as I got to wear my new dress robes I really don't see why… oh… _Merlin._"

Everyone burst into laughter, including myself. This girl was becoming more and more a hero in my eyes. Daphne turned pink, the colour somehow suiting her hair as she buried her face in her hands.

"Now that we know it works… my turn," I was full sure he'd lay a question on me so I was surprised when Blaise's dark eyes rested on Pansy. "That Dark Arts class last year, when Longbottom was about to get tortured because he wouldn't do the exercise and the Carrows got a jinx to the face that sent them into the far wall… was that you?"

Pansy scowled. "Yes," the answer seemed to be pulled out of her. "I didn't give a shit about Longbottom, I just thought it was sick using crucio on first years. I do not get off on other peoples screams."

"What about that time you turned Lavender Browns skin purple?" Daphne asked.

The well-known devious grin returned. "Those screams of pain are completely different and that cow used that 'p' name so she fucking deserved it."

Realisation dawned on Theo's face. "Hey! I took the fall for that hex! I served a week of detention for it!"

"Of course you did," Pansy shrugged. "I had a date that night – I couldn't serve my own detention."

Theo had opened his mouth to counter when Daphne placed a hand on his shoulder.

"My turn," Daphne's mouth quirked into a worrying smile. "This one's for both Pansy and Alyssa. Have you ever fantasised about… Harry Potter?"

"Yes." Pansy and I said in unison.

It wasn't like pure veritaserum, I noticed, where it feels as if jagged hooks are pulling the truth out of your chest in the most painful way possible. This was more like it gave you a push to say the first truthful word that pops into your head.

There was a chorus of choking and spluttering from the men around us.

"Good," Daphne looked relieved. "I'm not the only one then."

"_What?_" Theo gasped. "Fantasies about Potter? Are you barking?"

"He's really not bad looking," Pansy said casually. "Nice body."

"Great jaw," Daphne added.

"And those eyes," I found myself adding to the list.

The boys looked scandalised, which made me want to laugh out loud.

"But –" Blaise attempted to interject.

"Next question!" Daphne called. "It's your go Alyssa."

I bit my lip in thought. I had a question from the very beginning but was biding my time, seeing what the other people's questions were like before I asked. None of them came close to my own but with no other ideas and the alcohol fuelling my courage I decided to just go for it.

"Mine's for Draco," I was surprised my voice sounded unaffected by nerves. "Why didn't you kill Dumbledore?"

The sudden silence was suffocating. The entire group stiffened, their gazes uneasily shifting to the Malfoy heir. He himself hadn't moved but a sudden stillness came over him that made me regret my choice. I met his gaze however, not backing down.

"That's a bit personal, Blackthorne," his voice was hard and emotionless. "Rules state I don't have to answer it."

"Fine," a tiny portion of me was relieved that I got a do-over. "I'll just –"

"I didn't say I wouldn't answer it… just that I didn't have to." I frowned at the blonde wizard, unsure what he was getting at. "If I do answer it then I get a personal answer in return."

"Like what?" I couldn't hide my distrust. He was more conniving than Pansy.

"Well it wouldn't be something you'd enjoy confiding. And it obviously won't be a sex question –"

If it were possible, the tension in the room got even more awkward.

"Why not?" I asked curiously, not understanding my peer's reaction.

"Well…" he seemed to pause to find the right words. "Isn't it obvious?"

My confusion deepened and I looked around at the others who looked a little embarrassed. Not for themselves though… for me.

The realisation struck home and I laughed, quickly smothering it behind my hand.

"Oh! You all think I'm a virgin," I chuckled again. "Of course you do. It makes sense really…"

I could literally feel the wheels in Draco's head turning as he watched the chuckles subside. Before I could question him as to how to proceed with the game he began talking in that familiar listless way the rest of them had under the truth bean.

"I didn't kill him because I didn't have it in me. He was surrounded by death eaters, wandless and quite frankly, scared. What's more he didn't look at me like the monster I was to let all Voldemort's followers into the castle instead… he looked like he had pity on me. Like it wasn't my fault. I don't know how anyone could have cast a curse on an old man like that. So Snape ended up doing it for me. Ended up working out I guess…"

His eyes seemed to have glazed over as he told us, clouded with pain and regret that made me want to move closer to him. With his features so soft he looked like something out of a book; wounded but beautiful.

Those musings disappeared the second said eyes returned to rest on me. Oh no.

"Well then giggles, I guess it's my turn. Tell us how your innocence was lost."

I glared at him, wishing I'd pretended to be what they all thought. A spark of irritation ignited in my gut. He really thought I was a scared little virgin. Focusing on the irritation rather than the embarrassment made it easier to start speaking.

"None of you have sisters," I began, regarding each male in the room. "You don't understand what it's like being both female and a pureblood. From the moment I could walk and talk I was raised to breed. Be the perfect wife to my pureblood husband and provide him with an heir to continue the family name. When I turned sixteen my Father's friends started to take notice of me. Their eyes watched me as I entered and exited our manor. I would later overhear them complimenting my father on how nicely I was growing up and how I'd make a good match for some wizard. Wizards who are a 'good match' are usually ten years our senior by the way.

"It made me sick, their eyes on me. I stopped feeling like his daughter and more like his thoroughbred mare. So during our Easter break, when we went to our families holiday home in France, my Father left me and Mum to go on business – looking back on it now he was probably doing Voldemort's bidding. Anyway, the night he left I went out to a local Muggle pub, got drunk and met a French Muggle. I convinced him I was eighteen and went home with him. I… how did you put it again? Lost my innocence that night and just for good measure I returned the next night and every night until my Father came home."

I expected them to look horrified, but they didn't. A little shocked, sure but the girls I could see understood. They knew what it was like.

"And though he didn't find out right away, I felt empowered. I'd degraded myself, tainted the perfect specimen he planned to auction off to the most suitable suitor to improve his status. Even when he did find out…" I couldn't hold back the shudder. I prayed they didn't notice it. "It was still worth it."

My tale was followed by silence. Understandable really, there was nothing _to _say. I focused my gaze on my Fire whiskey, watching the amber liquid churn as I tilted the glass. I could almost hear their minds trying to wrap around what I'd said and I braced myself against the looks of pity.

Being pitied terrified me almost as much as it pissed me off.

Unable to stand the quiet a second longer I downed the rest of my drink, the burning sensation long gone as the hours passed. Careful to focus on foot placement I stood, I'm embarrassed to say I may have swayed a little.

"I'm tired," was all I said though. "I'm going to call it a night. I'll see you all… whenever." With that I turned my heel, tightening my fists in concentration to make it to my bed without falling.


	7. Chapter 7 - Huffle-hugging

**A/N: Thanks for the reviews everyone they mean so much! Especially today to Zrii. The detail of your comments made me smile as well as have a good think about Alyssa as a character. **

**So a few answers to your questions: Yes, I'm so glad you picked up on the prejudice in the books. We all know that the sorting hat gives everyone a choice so why can't that mean that people not truly belonging to Slytherin can be too scared to not choose their family's house. We're not all Sirius Black you see. Some poor eleven-year-old's lives would have been hell if they had been sorted elsewhere. **

**Next note: Her mother is alive. I really hope that's clear. It's her father that was killed in the war. Much like Draco, her Mother always put Alyssa before Voldemort and I won't give much else away as you will meet her later on. Also, I felt Blackthorne sounded like a suitable ancient pureblood family name.**

**I'm having a lot of fun with Daphne Greeengrass. Because she wasn't mentioned much in the books I feel that I can take her character wherever I want, which is so much fun.**

**The smoking is what I feel another symbol of defiance towards her father. In layman's terms a 'fuck you' to him. He and any pureblood hierarchy would be disgusted by the habit so she chooses to pursue it.**

**I wouldn't say she's testy with Blaise… but I see where you're going with it. She tends to be a little erratic with her moods towards others. We must remember that before this year she was a complete outcast and a loner so she hasn't had that much practice at this constant conversation and involvement with her peers. **

**That was so much fun! I hope I shed a bit of light on your questions! Keep those comments coming as I can totally imagine there will be more questions!**

**On to the next chapter! Let's go let's go!**

That Sunday I woke up to find my memory partially blank, the spaces gradually filling as the raging hangover wore on. On remembering what I'd revealed the group I wanted to chuck myself from Gryffindor tower. I chose instead to try and smother myself with my own pillow for a few minutes. Once that fit was over I remained in bed, the curtains around the four poster closed and ate my weight in chocolate.

I'd definitely had better days.

Eventually, the curtains were pulled, revealing an almost tentative Daphne Greengrass, she smiled softly at the chocolate wrappers.

"I've only just left the bathroom," she said, face pale. The poor thing must have been vomiting for the better part of the day.

"I only just held it all down."

"Better that you left when you did." I tensed, waiting for her to bring it up. Instead though she switched topics completely. "I think I'm ready to try some food now. You want to see if we can get something fried and greasy from the kitchens?"

"Merlin, yes." I didn't know whether it was the thought of greasy food or her not pushing me that caused my sudden enthusiasm.

We ate in the Common Room with the rest of the group and my slip up was never mentioned. I began to think that the whole thing was an alcohol induced hallucination before meeting Draco's knowing gaze.

They just didn't feel the need to mention it, and for that I was inhumanly grateful.

"Is that last quote referenced?" I asked without looking up from my proof-reading.

"Of course it is! What do you take me for, a Gryffindor?"

I rolled my eyes. Finishing up the last few lines of this charms assignment was no easy task. Both myself and Michael Corner seemed to be perfectionists which in one way was fantastic as it meant a definite O for both of us, the downside: it meant hours in the library going over each other's work.

I began to respect him as a student. I never thought wizards or witches who took Quidditch as seriously as Corner actually cared about grades. Never doubt a Ravenclaw I found out during our few weeks as partners. He was easy-going though, unlike some of his housemates I'd come to know over the years, he was quick to smile and laugh. I began to grow accustomed to him and his dimples over the last month or so.

"How was your weekend?" He asked as we finally cleared up our parchment and quills.

"Quite good actually," I answered. "Ended up getting sloshed in the Three Broomsticks. You?"

He gave me a slightly exasperated look. I got it quite a lot when I gave him an answer he wasn't expecting. "Aright, I guess. It's always good to get out of the castle."

"I used to not think so… but now, I'm coming around to liking Hogsmeade."

"You'll be going next time then?" His tone of voice had changed to something a little heavier. I glanced up at his expression but he seemed to have his eyes trained on rolling the parchment up in his hand.

"I'd guess so. Daphne seems to get her way no matter what anyone else seems to say about it."

"You could always prove your freedom and tag along with me," he finally met my gaze. His right dimple appearing along with a crooked smile. "Only if you wanted to, that is."

"Why not?" I returned it with a grin of my own. "Now that this assignments finished who else is going to correct your grammar?"

"That was one time Blackthorne," he chuckled, when we stood he took the books out of my hands.

"I need those –" I started to protest.

"I know, that's why I'm walking to the dungeons."

It seemed a bit silly to me as he would then have to climb the entire castle to get back to the Ravenclaw tower, but it was nice to have some company on the walk down. When he eventually handed me back my books he gave me a slow smile before turning back the way he came.

It was only then that I thought I missed something.

Corner's behaviour twisted and turned in my thoughts all through dinner, I couldn't help but watch him from my side of the table as I pushed the food around my plate.

"I didn't see you this evening Alyssa," Daphne snapped my thoughts to the group around me. Theo and Blaise were muttering about something, their dark chuckles making me certain I didn't want to know the topic. Draco was held his usual indifference façade – he'd made good on his promise to stop watching me when around the group… not that I was disappointed and even if I was I refused to dwell on why that would possibly bother me.

"I was in the library with Michael," I answered, shrugging but it caused the two girls in my company to sit up straighter.

"Again?" Theo had been multi-tasking it seemed, keeping up a conversation with Blaise as well as listening in to ours. He often did this, I noticed when Daphne was around. I noticed Pansy's brown eyes widen with the idea of new gossip and hid my grimace. "Aren't you finished that blasted essay yet? You know you can't aim any higher than an Outstanding."

I shot him a glare before answering. "We just finished it actually and there's no need to be jealous Nott."

"Jealous? Of that Quaffle head? No offence." He added hastily to Blaise.

"Now that you mention it…" On impulse I decided that a male perspective was needed in this situation. "He was acting a bit strange this evening."

"Strange how?" Blaise asked, finally turning to direct his whole attention on us. Even Draco glanced up from his mashed potatoes.

"Well, he carried my books for me back to the dungeons. That's odd, right? Seeing as his common room is up seven flights of stairs?"

There was a millisecond of silence before –

"Oh. Holy. Shit." Daphne's tone seemed to jump an octave on each word.

"Typical." Pansy muttered only just audibly. Blaise chuckled and Draco returned to his dinner. Theo simply smirked.

"What?" Their varied reactions weren't enlightening me as I first thought.

"Don't you get it?" Pansy rolled her eyes as she popped a carrot into her mouth. "The sexy Ravenclaw is attracted to you. Congratulations."

"Oh…" I cast my mind back to our previous conversations, this time with Pansy's theory mixed in. Pretty soon numerous details added up to strengthen the idea. A smile here, a flirtatious comment there. The final pieces clicked into place and my eyes widened. "So _that's _why he asked me to the next Hogsmeade trip."

"He _what?_" Daphne was close to shattering glass at this point.

I was about to answer when two Hufflepuffs entered the hall. I quickly gathered my things and stood up, my gaze not wavering from the girl's frames even as I said goodbye to the group.

"Thanks for cluing me in. I'll see you all later." I quickened my pace to catch Hannah Abbot just as she sat down. I was pretty sure the girl next to her was Susan Bones, another 'eighth year'.

"Hi… Hannah," I wasn't sure if first names were appropriate. We hadn't really said much in the last few weeks so it was still a little awkward.

"Alyssa." Her tone still had the slight lilt of distrust.

My eyes dropped to suddenly search through my shoulder bag. "I noticed you were missing for potions last Friday and realising you're the only Hufflepuff there I took Slughorn's notes for you."

Without the eye contact words became easier until I found them and handed them to her. The girl seemed… quite frankly shocked. As if an act of thoughtfulness was impossible from someone like myself. That was the precise reason why I did it in the first place.

She took the notes and scanned them briefly. "Thanks."

"No problem. Are you feeling any better?" Alright, I know I was laying it on thick, but it wasn't as if there was a text book on how to approach these sort of situations.

"It was just the flu."

"Right…" Now all I needed was exit so I could throw myself out the nearest window. I was about to turn when she spoke again.

"Have you had dinner yet?"

It was my turn to appear shocked. "Um… no." Not technically a lie, I didn't physically eat anything with the others.

"Do you want to sit with us then?"

Bingo.

"That'd be great." Ignoring the slightly appalled gazes and quite a few scowls I sat next to Hannah, Susan taking place on her other side. There was a momentary silence as I adjusted my robes, eyes downcast as to not meet any other gazes.

"So how was your weekend?" Hannah asked as she began to help herself to some honeyed roast pork.

Despite my whole situation I couldn't prevent the small chuckle that escaped my lips. "How much do you know about self-filling Fire whiskey glasses?"

I retreated to my dorm after dinner, having a sudden craving to read for a few hours. Over the years reading was something I did to pass the time. Being a social outcast there wasn't much else to do besides homework. It was strange how nice it felt to be alone. Don't get me wrong, I would never trade what I had currently to go back to being a loner. But it was difficult to break the habit of being surrounded by the quiet twenty-four seven.

"That's it. Spill it." One loud crash of the door flying open and my moments peace vanished. Well, it was nice for the forty-five minutes it lasted.

Closing my book with a sigh I rubbed my tired eyes. "Look, I wasn't expecting or encouraging it. Corner just asked me to go with him. It was an off-hand question to go to Hogsmeade with him. I wouldn't even be surprised if he didn't mean it."

"Not him," Daphne's tone was past exasperation. "Though you will fill me in on that later. I'm talking about eating dinner at the Hufflepuff table. I let the other time pass to a momentary lapse of sanity, or that perhaps you were going to explain it to me in your own time –"

"What Daphne _means_," Theo's voice surprisingly spoke up. I opened my eyes to find that the rest of the group had filed in behind her. "Is what the hell is with the Huffle-hugging?"

"This is the girl's dorms," was my only reply as Blaise took it upon himself to lie down beside me, pulling my pillow beneath his head and making himself right at home… on my bed.

"We've got two prefects with us," Blaise scoffed. "Who's going to say anything?"

"You're avoiding the question," Pansy added dryly and making her way to her own bed. I watched Daphne do the same and – surprise, surprise – Theo leant against one of her bed-posts. Warily I watched the final member of the group scan the room. His grey eyes resting on my desk before crossing the room to it. Pale fingers rested on the stray parchment and books lying there and I couldn't help but wonder what he was thinking. More than likely noticing the similarities between his own room and mine. The lack of personal items and paraphernalia that made a space truly belong to someone.

"Well?" Daphne snapped my attention back to her and I fought down a blush. I prayed I hadn't been staring too long.

"I –" I attempted to find the words to explain but quickly drew a complete blank. "You wouldn't understand."

"Try us." Draco's voice was final. If there was anything that I learned about being in their presence it's that when Malfoy used _that_ tone. He wasn't going to let it go.

I sighed again, a little more heatedly this time, trying to gather my thoughts so I wouldn't mess this up. "Times have changed, war has changed… everything. The way I perceive things, the way I _accept _things. I don't blame the members of our house for not fighting in the final battle. Hell, I wasn't even in the country. I don't believe anyone our age should be expected to fight and maybe kill members of their families, even if we didn't believe in their cause. But… the fact remains… every other house did, at least some of them anyway and though I don't think we owe them an apology… I think we owe them something."

"Like what?" Blaise's voice was soft, his eyes far away as he listened to me.

"An explanation? An affirmation that we are not our parents or our parent's parents. The Slytherin's who didn't believe in Voldemort's ideals should make it known. We're not all dark witches and wizards in this house."

"We shouldn't have to prove ourselves to them," Pansy replied. Her voice was heated. "Let them think whatever they want!"

"I'm not saying that you have to prove yourself, Pansy. None of you do. It's just the way I feel. I don't want to be seen as my father's daughter. No by anyone. Not a Slytherin or a Gryffindor. So I'm trying to build some bridges, stop cutting myself off from the rest of the school."

"But we don't just 'hang out' with other houses," Theo argued.

"Who says?" To that he had no answer. "Is there a rule somewhere that says that all Slytherin's are cunning and ruthless and hate all other houses? Maybe I'm more than what the house claims. Maybe I'm brave and smart and loyal too? And if I even hold one of those qualities than at least I have something in common with someone other than a Slytherin." No one spoke for a while, I hoped it was because they were letting me words sink in. No one had left the room yet which was positive.

"As I said," I lowered my voice once more. I'd gain volume throughout my speech. "I don't expect you to feel the same way. You don't have to 'Huffle-hug' with me. But for now… maybe accept that I might eat the odd lunch at another table and still accept me afterwards?"

It wasn't until that moment that I realised how badly I wanted them to agree. I'd grown so accustomed to their presence in my life that I dreaded the mere thought of them leaving me. Whatever acquaintance I'd began with Hannah was nothing compared to what I saw in Daphne and even at times Blaise and Pansy. I wanted them to accept me, to be their – dare I admit the word – friend.

That thought scared me.

"So…" Daphne cleared her throat after the most painful pause. "What's it like?"

My eyes widened and I couldn't contain my smile at her. The weight in my chest fell and I wanted to laugh.

Theo did just that. "It's not a different world at the Hufflepuff table Daph," he chuckled. "It's not like everything's bathed in golden light and rainbows emit from their arses." His gaze cut to me after a moment of consideration. "Right, Blackthorne?"

"No," I couldn't help chuckling in return. "It was… nice though."

"Nice how?" Blaise asked, releasing the tension further within the room.

"Well, they prefer treacle tarte over there so there was an insane amount of chocolate left after first helpings."

By the expression on Theo's face I may as well of said that rainbows extended from their arses.

"You were talking to that girl, Bones right?" Pansy asked, her tone was thoughtful but guarded. I nodded. "The one with the red hair."

Somehow seeing the girl's trail of thought I answered. "I asked, it's natural. I thought she charmed it to get that shade too."

And suddenly Pansy Parkinson was impressed. By a Hufflepuff no less.

The conversation changed pretty soon after that and it grew late enough for Slughorn's evening rounds. The others stood to move the conversation back to the common room, quickly leaving myself and Draco to follow them out. I remained still as Malfoy made no move to leave my desk chair.

I stared a little warily at him, the fires warm light throwing shadows on his angular features. He seemed deep in thought but spoke when I moved to follow the rest of the group out.

"Quidditch trials are tomorrow," he turned to hold my gaze.

"Blaise mentioned it," I replied, nodding.

"With the amount of want-to-be players I'm going to be pretty strung out."

I began to realise where this conversation was heading. Not that I was going to clue him in to that fact. "The woes of being Captain I guess."

His gaze narrowed and I watched his frame stiffen, I tried not to enjoy it too much. "I was wondering if…"

"If…?" I failed. I was enjoying it too much.

He finished his request through a frustrated exhalation of breath. "If you weren't busy trying to charm the entire student body would you want to head to the roof with me?"

I watched his tense position for another moment before moving towards him, reaching across his lap and ignoring his startled expression I opened he far draw to my desk. Pulling out my box of Bensen and Hedges before holding them out to him.

He stared at my face before giving the box a brief scowl. I frowned in return, my confusion plainly written on my face.

"I thought you wanted –"

"That wasn't what I asked." He cut me off, suddenly refusing to meet my gaze. He had turned to march out the door when realisation dawned and before I knew it I was speaking.

"I don't know when you'll be finished, what time will I meet you?" My voice was a bit weak but I knew he heard me.

"Come to the pitch around five," he answered with his back to me. "We'll walk up from there."

And with that he left me trying to wrap my head around the occurrences of the day, causing me to think that perhaps I'd been dreaming entire twenty-four hours.

**a/n: Sorry it's a bit shorter than usual and if you think it was a little boring the chapter, bt I did need a bit of a linking chapter before the real excitement begins!**

**Keep those reviews coming! They are an inspiration!**

**BC**


	8. Chapter 8 - Distraction

**A/N: Sorry about the delay on this one. I've had a mental two months and am now in a different hemisphere and back in College.**

**Anyway, please do keep the reviews coming. I really want to hear your thoughts and ideas on the story so far. Who you like/dislike etc… they are my muse! **

The weather was miserable the following morning. The kind of spit-like rain that fell made you never want to leave the confines of your bed again. However there was magic to learn and with a hateful groan at the unfairness of life in general I hollowly went about my day.

There was no meeting of the boys at lunch, Blaise sat alone, his eyes trained forward but not really seeing anything ahead. Draco and Theo were nowhere to be seen. Draco was readying last minute trial preparations and Theo went to hide under a rock somewhere. Daphne mentioned that he refused to be within twenty feet of his best friends on this particular day of the year.

We were given a particularly difficult alchemy assignment that held my concentration between the end of class and when I was to meet Draco. Only just realising the lateness of the hour I had to make a mad dash back down to my room before heading to the Quidditch pitch, making it with a mere minute to spare.

I needn't have worried. When I arrived at four fifty-nine that afternoon the Trials were still in full swing. The large group of about fifty Slytherins were grouped in threes and fours, though that's where the organisation fell apart. Some chattered animatedly but not paying the slightest bit of attention to what was going on while others argued headedly over a point or manoeuvre in the air. Most had their feet firmly on the ground the minority of most likely first and second years were flying three feet about the field but had their entire bodies coiled around their brooms as if their lives depended on it.

My eyes sought out a platinum head and found it somewhere near the centre gracefully perched on his own Nimbus 2001 and staring down at them all as if he'd just apparated into the fiery pits of hell.

I didn't smile… at least I tried not to.

"No, no I meant – _damnit _Avery, if you don't hold that bat tighter I'm going to hit you over the head with it!"

The Malfoy heir seemed to have been bellowing for the better part of the trials, his voice cracking slightly from over-use, his pale cheeks taking on the slightest flush clearly showing the extent of his frustration.

Taking in the rest of is tense and infuriated state I decided that nicotine alone wouldn't help us this evening. Standing once more and picking up my things I walked briskly back to the castle, returning to my room and after only a few minutes rooting through my trunk I pulled out what I was looking for before turning back out the way I came. On reaching the pitch the second time I was met with a queue of mumbling wind-swept Quidditch hopefuls – though I could probably count on one hand the number of faces that looked truly 'hopeful'.

I found the tired captain in the changing rooms. He seemed to be taking out his immediate frustration on his gear-bag, stuffing all the protective padding with such force I thought the seams would soon burst. I couldn't help but watch him for a few moments. The tense set of his shoulders and bruising grip of his pale knuckles. It once again struck me how people our age shouldn't be this troubled, or be put in situations they're not truly comfortable with, just like the young man in front of me.

Taking into account I was probably staring for a longer time than truly necessary I cleared my throat audibly, watching the pale blonde stiffen further, freezing for a moment before returning to his task.

"I thought you left," he said, making me a little relieved. For a moment I thought he was going to ignore me, though from the icy tone he used I was sure I wasn't far off.

"I decided my Bensen's wouldn't be enough to ease this much of a stressful afternoon." I approached him a little warily before raising the bottle of fire-whiskey I held tightly in my right fist. "So I brought back-up."

His stony grey eyes scanned the bottle before smirking lightly. I took that as a good sign and internally patted myself on the back. Social situations were definitely becoming more naturally to me. I was starting to read him better, though to be fair I simply went on instinct that alcohol was what I would have wanted in his current mood and assumed he was no different.

I guess we're more alike than I gave him credit for.

Draco slung his bag over his shoulder then, pulling me out of my thoughts. "To the Room of Requirement then?"

The question was even enough, though once again I felt myself knowing him better now. The last thing he wanted was to go to the place where his whole life began to crumble.

"Actually, I've had enough of stairs," I found myself saying, trying to gauge his reaction. He simply stared back at me neutrally. "Maybe we could just sit out on the field?"

"It's a bit cold," was his only reply, one pale brow raised questioning.

"We can weave magic Malfoy," I answered wryly before striding back out towards the grass. "I'm sure we'll think of something."

Three heating charms later found us lying flat on our backs staring at the stars. Draco had laid his cloak out for us and we took it in turns gulping the fire-whiskey in between puffs of smoke. It didn't take long for the blissful numbness and lightness to kick in. I sighed contentedly, turning my head to watch my companion. He'd tucked one arm behind his head, allowing his pale bicep to almost glow in the moonlight but shading half his face in the process.

"Why did you bother?" I asked curiously.

He didn't meet my gaze. "Bother with what?"

"Becoming Quidditch captain."

"I love Quidditch," was his dull reply.

"Alright," I could only dilute my disbelieving tone. "But you hate being Captain. It's been written all over your face his evening." When he didn't answer right away I put a few more pieces together. "Is it because of your Dad?"

Suddenly his eyes bored into mine and had I not been half-way drunk I would have flinched at their coldness. "You don't have a clue what you're talking about. Drop it."

But I ignored the heat in his tone, instead I stared back up at the stars and continued my theory. "It makes sense I guess, I remember he was always getting on your case about losing to Potter. And if he was anything like my Purebred Pops he'd want you to be the highest ranking in anything you do; that includes Quidditch."

I think he decided to ignore me because my musings were met with silence.

"Chess." The word popped into my head and was out my mouth before I could summon it back.

"What?" At least part of the anger had leaked out of his voice, it was more wary in that moment.

"I used to love wizard's chess. There was something about the silent battle of two minds that contrasted the loud crashing of pieces breaking each other. It seemed to ease my over-active thoughts. I got quite good at it too. The second my dad found out he started to pressure me, force me to practice against him, against myself. Hours of chess that I would have done anyway became hours of him watching me, shouting if I made bad judgment or not anticipating my opponent's next move. Any joy or interest I'd once had for it leaked away. I haven't willingly sat at a chess board since." I turned to find him watching me, his face portraying mostly wariness but there was a touch of curiosity too. I could read him better with when he had some drugs in his system. "That's Quidditch for you right?"

He broke my gaze again, taking his time with the next pull of his cigarette. "I still like it," he answered. "The speed, the adrenaline, the skill. Sometimes, when I'm up there flying at top speed I remember what it was like to really love it. But it's faded… just like you said."

"You didn't have to be captain to feel that way."

He smiled then, the tiniest tilt of his lips but it was genuine and before I knew it I was smiling back. "He never thought I could do it… make captain, prefect, any of it. I was only ever as good as my last failure."

"But you did. You've more accomplishments than I do, I'm impressed."

"That's only because you don't want any accomplishments. You never have." It was my turn to not answer, my focus returned to the sky, I could just start to make out dusting of clouds obscuring the stars when he spoke again. "Anything that gets you noticed you avoid, right?"

"I don't know what you mean," I lied.

"Please," he called me on it. The bastard. "Don't try and feed me the shit you pull with everyone else. You can tell me."

"I don't –"

"You've been hiding almost your entire life and you're good at it, but my question is –"

"Draco –"

"Come on just tell me –"

"You don't understand –"

"Then explain it to me –"

"I _can't._" My voice broke which I cursed myself for, a blush part from anger and part embarrassment coloured my cheeks. "I'm not going to explain the way I've lived my life just to satisfy your curiosity."

"Fine." Funny how he didn't sound fine. "But you'll tell me, if not for my curiosity than for something else."

"And what is that?" I suddenly felt really tired.

"Yourself. No one can handle what you've been through alone."

I swallowed, hard and then did it again for good measure as I felt his words truly affect me. It was both frustrating and terrifying that I could feel my walls cracking. I focused hard on blinking the water out of my eyes and clearing my throat.

"You don't know what you're talking about," I whispered. Astonishing me further I felt the ghost of his finger-tips against my knuckles. I stiffened, the feeling of drowning consuming me. I didn't know where to look, how to react how to feel about this whole, terrible situation. It was too much too –

"I think choosing beaters this year just might kill me," I turned to stare at my companion, startled and once more sure I'd missed something. He'd relaxed back into his original position not meeting my eyes. I watched as he relit his cigarette and inhaled deeply, letting loose the smoke leisurely just as I taught him. "You sure you can't hold a bat?"

Despite my scrambling I couldn't help but laugh. "What is with you and Zambini? No way in hell would you want me up there. I'd sooner bludgeon myself than anything else."

"Well, at least you'd give them a show."

And before I quite understood what happened, we were jesting once more. The moment almost forgotten despite me being close to spiralling. Not that I minded – the change in subject couldn't have come any later without consequences but that didn't appease my irritation with my blonde house-mate.

He was just so frustrating. Acting one way and before I can adapt he does a one eighty. I could never pin down one mood or emotion. It hit me then that it was almost the exact same thing he said about me. Neither of us could predict the other.

I was still debating on our way back to the castle, the thoughts which churned in my mind silencing all other conversation. I would have barely noticed had my companion not pointed it out.

"You're quiet all of a sudden."

I blinked a dew times before turning to him, a little sheepish. "Sorry. I was thinking."

"About what I said?" Before I could answer he fired another question. "Did I hit a nerve?"

"Maybe," I allowed him that, just because he knew the answer already.

"Good." I shot him a glare. "You need your feathers ruffled. I'm glad something phases you."

"A lot of things phase me," I murmured. "And you're not one to talk Malfoy! You preen your feathers almost hourly."

"Yes but I've already told you how your very presence ruffles me," the smirk was back thank Merlin. I could deal with the smirk. I understood the smirk. "I better thank you though."

We'd just come to the end of the corridor where we had to part to our separate rooms. "For what?" My tone was more than cautious, it was wary.

"Distracting me. After today I needed it. The whiskey, the smokes… the conversation."

"Oh. Your welcome then, I guess."

His grin widened, revealing white teeth that almost glowed in the dim lighting. His eyes shone in a way that caused me to nervously tuck my hair behind my ears, anything to try and inconspicuously hide my face.

"Do I make you nervous?" He sounded both amused and curious. He took a step forward causing a hasty retreat on my part. Cursing myself that my actions wouldn't back-up my answer.

"Of course not. Don't flatter yourself. G-Goodnight Malfoy."

I only barely heard him repeat the words to me. Instead a turned my heel and strode quickly away from him, begging my heart to stop racing and my brain to stop trying to figure out what was happening.

Autumn slipped into winter before I could blink. Between classes and homework I never felt there were enough hours in the day. On top of that my social life was becoming frustrating to fit in, not that I minded. I looked forward to the slow evenings in the Slytherin common room, talking and reclined in the leather couches. The perks of being friends with the likes of Draco and Blaise: students moved to allow you to sit.

I actually began to call them that… friends.

My budding relationship with Michael Corner also continued to grow. If I could even call it that. I was confused more than ninety present of the time despite Pansy and Daphne's detailed tutoring. They would grill me after every so-called 'date'. I preferred to call them long conversations outside of class or late night study sessions that lacked in any actual study. Asking me 'how he said this' or 'did he look at you like that' didn't seem especially important to me but then again, what did I know?

He hadn't tried anything physical, which was my main source of confusion. Surely if you're in a relationship with a boy they would have at least kissed you after a few weeks? Daphne was under the impression that he was taking it slow with me. When I asked her why she said he was trying to be sensitive towards my… slightly abrasive social tendencies.

I tried to be affronted but it made sense really…

So it was to my complete surprise when the boy in question strode up to me after lunch one Friday afternoon. While I was with my friends no less. I was in the midst of talking Theo through our charms assignment when the young Slytherin stopped midstride, indicating that I looked in front. It was then my gaze was met with those familiar dark blue irises.

"Hey," Corner said, one side of his mouth rising into his classic one-dimpled grin.

"Hi," I tried to smile back and not fidget as the group watched our exchange. I could almost feel Daphne holding her breath on my other side.

"So our match is this evening… against Hufflepuff."

He seemed to wait for a response so after only a minor falter on my part I answered: "Right! Yeah, Ravenclaw versus Hufflepuff… tonight." I thought I heard a muffled snort from my right but I chose to ignore Blaise's reaction. The bastard.

Michael's grin turned to a full on smile and I suddenly thought that dimples should be outlawed.

"Yeah. I was wondering if you'd come?"

"To your Quidditch match?" I couldn't help but sound a little startled.

"Yeah."

"But… won't you be playing?" Why oh Merlin why did I sound so incompetent?

"Well… yeah but to support me. And if we win there'll be an after party. Lots of alcohol."

"What if you lose?"

"There'll still be lots of alcohol."

"I dunno…" I felt myself biting my lip. I couldn't think this through and I always thought everything through. Why did he have to spring this on me? In front of my friends no less?

"Come on," he pressed. "It'll be fun! And you'll get to meet my friends, they'll sit in the stands with you. I promise if you're even the slightest bit bored I'll hold no grudge if you leave."

I bit my lip, really wanting to decline until I was struck with the damn dimples again. Those, along with a not-so-subtle nudge from the cursed blonde beside me and the words left my mouth before I could stop them.

"Alright then."

"Great!" He said with a brilliant smile, shocking me further he leaned forward to press his lips to my cheek before disappearing through the crowd, leaving me standing frozen in a slight state of shock.

"Well…" Pansy broke the silence. "That was a development."

"He's so cute," Daphne breathed longingly.

"Alyssa's game however… has left a lot to be desir –"

"Shut up Blaise," I snapped and strode forward, quick to jump on the temper train rather than focus on the ball of nerves that was coiling in my stomach.

"And he wants you to meet his friends," Daphne kept up easily with my heated stride. "This is a good thing."

"Yes," I couldn't hold off on the sarcasm. "One Slytherin amongst a sea of Ravenclaws… sounds promising."

"You'll be fine. Corner won't let anything happen to you."

"And if he does," Blaise's tone turned dark, I turned to the see the three boys in the group staring down at me. If I didn't know the threatening stances weren't against me I would have shrunk back. Even Draco had a certain heat in his eyes. "He will regret it."

"Thanks…" the word was breathy but what I hope was filled with how grateful I was.

"We're you're friends Blackthorne," Draco said wryly. "I wish you'd stop doubting us."

And with that he left in the direction of the Grand staircase. Leaving the rest of us staring surprised at his retreating form. None of us seemed to be able to respond to the Malfoy heir's unexpected outburst. But a part of me was doubly grateful for that.


End file.
